Let’s face it—the Instagrammers of the world are largely made up of youthful women constantly trying to make themselves feel better about their lives. You’ll see the occasional “Jersey shore fist-pumping bodybuilder” guy or the cliché group of frat guys in sunglasses pretending to be wasted while playing beer pong, but Instagram is mostly for girls.
I probably use Instagram more than any other social media site. Why? Because who doesn’t enjoy creeping on someone else’s photos without them knowing? In reality, we’re all just nosey. So prepare your inner stalker and try not to laugh as you’ll probably read these 11 categories and think to yourself, “OMG, that’s totally me!”
1. The Animal Lover
Aw! But, puppies and kittens are so cute and cuddly! I agree. But they become less cute and less cuddly as they grow older, so…STOP POSTING PICTURES OF YOUR CAT. We know what it looks like from the other 500 cat posts. Maybe it’s time to find yourself a human.
2. Congratulations! It’s a…baby!
You have two types in this category: the newly pregnant woman and the newborn mother. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy seeing a few pictures of your baby bump or of your two-week-old. But do you really need to take a new photo every day? I don’t think your stomach grew much in 24 hours (unless that shirt just makes you look bigger).
3. The One Who Can’t Stop Posting Selfies With Her Boyfriend
Can you please post another picture of you and your significant other? I haven’t seen one in about ten minutes.
4. The Compulsive Hashtagger
Come on, we ALL know at least one of them. The worst is on #MCM… #MyLove #BestFriend #Hottie #TooGoodToBeTrue #Forever #Kisses #Hugs #Lucky #Blessed #MyEverything #LiveForLove #Happy #Smiles… WE GET IT…#ByeFelicia
5. The I-Want-To-Post-A-Quote-To-Express-My-Feelings Person
We all probably have at least one or twelve quotes in our Instagram portfolio. Does it actually make a person feel better when they post something inspirational? Or, maybe, just maybe, they want to get a lot of “likes.” Quotes always do the trick.
6. Sorority Takeover
This one gets me every time. A group of 35 girls in short dresses and heels with their sorority sign in front of their sorority house (or in a bikini on a yacht in Miami). What’s even funnier is that they always seem to be looking away from the camera, laughing or smiling as if it was candid or something. But you aren’t fooling anyone. Nobody looks that good when they’re cracking up.
7. It’s Snowing! Therefore, I Shall Post A Picture of…Snow.
Since it’s winter, it’s going to be cold, right? (Well, except for Florida.) But for the rest of the country, it seems that the majority of Instagrammers feel they’re the only ones who are experiencing cold weather and snow. So here’s a screenshot of my Weather Channel app telling you it is 6 degrees along with the inch of snow outside of my house.
8. I’m On Vacation and Want Everyone To Be Jealous
I mean, I really just want you all to see half of my legs on the beach with a Piña Colada in my hand (non-alcoholic because I’m only 17, obvi).
9. Just In Case You Wanted To Know EVERYTHING I Ate Today…
Like, how did you know I wanted to read your food diary and look at your perfectly prearranged wheat toast with avocado spread and an egg yolk? You must be psychic. By the way, a cup of blueberries isn’t going to fill me up. Pass the cheeseburger, please.
10. Fit Fam For Life
Is it just me, or is everyone all of a sudden a health guru? I’m sure there are some who are truly dedicated to the lifestyle. But I’m also pretty sure you only post the “healthy” pictures. It wouldn’t be right if you posted a picture of ice cream with the Netflix screen in the background—that would be breaking the “fit fam” rules.
11. My Daily Pre-Gym-Workout Selfie
You must really be getting a good workout in if you have time to pose in front of the mirrors with the barbell rack. Aren’t you afraid your boobs are going to fall out of your sports bra? Well, I guess if you aren’t actually doing any kind of movement, you’ll be fine. But if you’re just trying to get the attention of all the guys there, those tight shorts will definitely give you that (along with a wedgie).