This Is How It Feels To Be Just The Other Woman, And Nothing More

Flickr / Valentina Costi
Flickr / Valentina Costi

We’ve all been through this at least once in our lives. We’ve either cheated, been cheated on, whether it was long term cheating or only for a night. If you haven’t, you’re either lying to yourself or too afraid to admit it. Nowadays, you’re next one-night-stand is only a swipe away on Tinder. You don’t even have to go to a bar and choose a good-looking guy to hook up with. You have a selection of random guys on your phone. Cheating has never been more convenient, especially if you don’t have any mutual friends. There is no way anyone is going to find out what you’ve done. It’s all fun and games. Until someone ends up getting hurt.

But how do we deal with the guilt that comes along with cheating? When you’re the other woman in the love triangle, you shove it aside and try not to think about it. After all, he’s the one who’s cheating and lying. It’s none of your business. The best thing about this kind of relationship is that he minds his own business, and you mind your own. But you still secretly think whether he thinks about his girlfriend when he kisses your lips or when he’s coming into your mouth. And you start to think whether you are the only other woman he’s having sex with other than his girlfriend. The answer is, you’re probably not the only one. The first time around, you can consider it a mistake. The second time, it’s a choice. And that’s the ugly truth.

After your first conversation on Tinder you exchange numbers and pretend you want to get to know each other. But you both know that you both just want to get it in this weekend. He lives in another city an hour away but comes to visit on weekends because his family and friends live here. You couldn’t care less about the name of his dog or how his day was, nor how his practice went. The only things you care about is that he’s free Saturday night. But to check whether or not the guy is a psychopath, you check his Facebook and Instagram. You’re on his profile for ten minutes when it hits you. He has a girlfriend. Of course he does, there’s always a catch with these types of guys. You ignore it, or at least try to. Nothing has even happened yet, why should you feel guilty?

You end up spending your Saturday and Sunday nights together on your couch watching movies wrapped in each other’s arms. The sex is great. That’s one of the main reason’s he’s there. And he’s hot. So you don’t care about the luggage he brings with him. He admits to having a girlfriend but nothing changes. He strokes your legs and stomach and you stroke him back and wonder what his tattoos represent. So you start talking about personal things and stories you don’t even share with your friends. You start kissing, holding hands and hugging whenever you are with him.

You wake up to him kissing your face and neck saying “Good Morning Sunshine.” And every time he come’s over, the kisses get longer and intimate. The hugs get tighter. And your heart starts beating faster. But he still has his girlfriend. You think about how cold hearted he is and how he could do this without a guilty conscience. And yet you kiss him again and again. He leaves in his Nike sweats and his red NY full cap, kisses you goodbye and you stand there thinking to yourself that you could get used to this.

And that’s when you know that this is not the usual one-night-stand relationship. This is more. Or maybe you’re just overthinking. You start comparing him to your exes and other hook-ups. This is more than a hook-up though. Why do we kiss, hug and flirt? He should be doing that with his girlfriend. Why does he text me constantly about what he’s doing and where he is? He must be confusing me with his girlfriend.

But you don’t tell him to shut up and only text you when he’s in town the next time. You listen to his thoughts and start expressing your thoughts to him as well.

We don’t add each other on Snapchat, even though both of us know we both use it. Nor do we follow each other on Instagram, but you make comments on how pretty I looked on one of the pictures I posted the other day. We’re not even friends on Facebook. And that’s ok. Because this is a relationship with no strings attached. And he still has a girlfriend.

We both know this could never be anything more. He wants to be with his girlfriend and you want to be with someone who doesn’t look at you like you’re a toy he can fuck around with at his pleasure. You both want different things. But this whole fooling around makes you feel like you’re wanted. You feel better about yourself. But you never cross the line.

But if this is only about sex, you don’t want the kisses. You don’t want to hug. You don’t want to know what he’s up to or how he injured himself during the game. You don’t want to know if he’s coming to town this weekend. Because it’s none of your business. You don’t want him to kiss you first thing in the morning and you don’t want to watch him walk away.

You’re not his soulmate or his lover. You’re not his best friend. Hell, you’re not even his friend. You’re just “The Other Woman.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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