Falling In Love Again After An Abusive Relationship

 Ryan Moreno
Ryan Moreno

You’ve just come back from seeing that guy, the guy you’re falling for after him but you’re scared. The kind of scared that keeps you up all night and makes you look over your shoulder constantly in a busy street. How could you ever describe to him how he made you feel, how he broke you in half and left you bleeding, barely breathing…but you survived.

You think back and scream so loud but no one can hear you, he’s gone now but he left behind scars you didn’t even realise were there until the guy you’re falling for, touches your shoulder when you two are laughing and you wince, recoil in fear, you remember him. But he’s gone and although you’re scared, you know that love is a beautiful thing and conquers the pain and that this guy, the guy you’re falling for… is worth it. He’s worth having your bruised heart and broken self-esteem because he will never hurt you, he is worth the wait because you’re safe now in his arms. But it’s hard to believe that.

It’s hard to trust any man, it’s hard to forget what he did.

You cry yourself to sleep some nights but still you don’t tell anyone how you feel and it eats away at your heart and manifests itself in waves of sadness and anger. Your life is now based on fear and mistrust. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

After all the heartache, the name- calling and the mind games he did to hurt you; you are still standing strong against all the odds and instead of showing him what he wants to see… your pain… you stand tall and show him all the things he never appreciated about you, the opportunity he lost out on, the value and the courage you have… to love again…to open up the rusted gates of your heart, the ones you closed a long time ago, and take a risk with someone special.

This time, love will be right, this time you are happy. You are all the things he said that you weren’t, that guy makes you realize that you — are beautiful and worthy of the deepest and most passionate love that possibly exists! It may take some time before you can trust again fully but know that you’ll get there eventually.

You close your eyes. The tears fall, one after the other. You’ve wanted this for so long. You don’t want your past to have happened but it did and it’s made you stronger – it’s made you appreciate REAL love when you see it, and finally — you see it now, in the beautiful blue eyes of that guy. The right guy for you.

He set you free and now you can finally fly again, though some days will be harder than other days, you know that you are OK because you survived and if you can survive the toughest of storms, you can survive the rain in the aftermath. Some days, you’ll have flashbacks that will make your body shake and tremble and it will threaten to tear your whole world apart but then you will realize that he tried to break you but see, that’s the one thing that you’ll never let him do.

You smile, pick up your phone and call your guy and realize you’ve won. For now, you appreciate all that you have, all that you’ve been through and know that it has made you the beautiful You that you are today and one day, you know that you will heal fully by loving yourself again. You’re NOT his victim — you ARE a fighter. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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