I Think Our Love May Have Been Magic

John-Mark Kuznietsov
John-Mark Kuznietsov

Most of the times people fear snakes, spiders, loneliness, heartache and even death. In my specific case I fear you. I fear every single thing that you have triggered inside me. All the stories that I have kept to myself and that you just earned in the blink of an eye. All the towers that I have built and that you climbed without me even noticing. I fear how used I am to your presence, how used I am to your stories and how you’re the first person I want to talk to when something happens to me; it doesn’t really matter if it’s good or bad because sharing it with you just makes it better.

Most people fear love or rather the one you give and that never comes back, because we don’t fear love but rather the lack of it between two people. I always feared that, who doesn’t? Yet with you is different, I’ve found myself thinking about you at 2 a.m. knowing that you don’t really love me like I do and feeling just fine. No, I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt but I guess what I’m trying to say is that I found it.

I’ve found the extraordinary but rarely selfless love, the one that doesn’t cause any fear or any doubt. I’ll be there as long as you let me, as long as you still have wounds that need to be healed and as long as you still like hearing my stories. This love goes beyond all, it breaks all the commissures imposed by society. It breaks all the cheesy chic flicks and all the sleepless nights of a lovers’ despair. You came unannounced like a hailstorm in the middle of spring.

What I feel for you is more real than how I feel alive every time I watch a sunset. You give me hope and you give me life.

I guess the magic of this love comes with the fact that I don’t own you, that you and I are free. That I don’t own any single part of you and you don’t own me either. That we’re a piece of two souls that found each other on the way and yet we chose to follow the same path for a while and we chose to share our scars proudly with ourselves. The magic comes from our freedom. Like those majestic wild animals that allow you to see them, sharing a space but not the same prison. It’s a different love, it comes from admiration, companionship, respect and compassion. Because I’ve always considered myself an egoist wanting the best for me but with you I’d rather you having it. I’d rather to see you happy even when I don’t get to be in the picture.

No, I’m happy we found each other in this messed up world because it doesn’t matter for how long you’re a part of my time; you showed me that there’s still magic out there and that a magician lives within all of us. You were my miracle among a land that has lost the meaning of love, that has mistaken this concept for attachment. Just remember that until you let me… I’ll be there. TC mark

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