Loneliness — or being lonely — is always perceived as such a negative thing. But is it really? Perhaps the people that run from loneliness the most are the people who are not at all happy with what they find within when left with nobody but themselves. Sure, there’s pain, and grief, and scars and anger. But there’s also beauty. And peace. And comfort. You just have to know where to look.
No man is an island? I beg to differ. We are all islands. Sure, we build bridges because drifting hopelessly is scary. But the bridges we build are paved with compromise and awkward conversation and a selfish need to be known, to be saved.
Nobody’s going to save you, darling. Nobody. Save yourself or remain unsaved. Burn the bridges, watch them crumble to the grown in thick smoke and when you’re ready, build them up again. But this time, do it for the right reasons. Do it because you really want to get to know that guy from across the bar who has been playing with the olive in his martini for the past 10 minutes. Do it because you want to know whether or not he really likes that drink. Do it because you want him to look less lonely. Don’t do it because you’re waiting the same in return. That’s the surest way to disappointment.
Don’t expect anything from other people. Do things because you want to. Love them because it feels right. They might not love you in return. They might not want to be loved. They might not answer your texts. Text them anyway. They never ask how you are, or how you feel. Who cares? Do you want to know how they are doing? Go ahead and ask them. People fear rejection more than they fear most things. So not only are they alone on an island, with time they also build walls. All the way up to the sky. Take a chance. Risk not being loved back. It will hurt, that I can promise. But you will be at peace because you did what your heart told you is right to do.
You’re probably thinking of that one time when you did this. When you gave too much and received little in return. It was either a lover, or a friend, or a brother, or a mother. And you promised yourself you’ll never do that again. That you’re worth more than the rejection. You want to be greeted with the same enthusiasm. You’re sick of laying your exposed heart on a silver platter and handing it to someone who’s unworthy. But love, true love, knows no such limits. So they don’t love you? What now? Are you supposed to stop loving them over such a foolish reason? Should you command your heart and mind to evict the memory of them from your system? That’s not how it works. You love them because you love them. You love them because they sang a tune that your heart recognized. Love them and don’t stop loving them no matter how much hell they put you through. So they’ll just have to deal with it and admit that they don’t even like olives that much.
And you might grow apart and put time and distance between you. Not even then should you stop loving them. You might not think about them as often but once you manage to lodge in someone’s chest, you’re stuck there for eternity. You can be the biggest dick on the face of the earth, and 20 years from now when we randomly run into each other on 5th Avenue while taking our kids for a stroll, you will look into my eyes and you will know that you are loved. And if that won’t warm you heart, I don’t know what will.
And even if they break your heart, they’ll never fall through the cracks, no matter how hard they try. Because you shouldn’t allow it, and it’s your decision who gets to stay.
Or don’t do any of these things. Be by yourself if that’s the company you enjoy most. Just make sure it is really what you want, what you need.
We are all different, but on a certain level, nobody is truly special or unique, either. You can easily categorize people. And yet we’re still rather noteworthy. We have different structures, we feel things in our own way, we accept or we refuse to accept. Accept your individuality but don’t let it fool you into thinking you’re special on some level. If it’s your desire to be alone that makes you happy, then so be it.
Whatever you do, don’t settle. Never settle. Love with your whole heart, allow yourself to be hurt until it actually hurts less. Stop thinking that everyone is having more fun, love or stability in their lives. Not because it’s not true (it might as well be, as far as I know!) but because always worrying gets you stuck in a place you probably don’t like.
I don’t know if it gets better, I don’t know if you get better. You have to value yourself. And you have to do it with your whole heart. Does the fear of missing out on life trump your fear of doing what you really want? You’ll just have to wait and see.