My heart still hurts sometimes when I think about you and what we used to have. I miss the ease of our friendship. How making plans was simple and not one sided. You wanted to hang out with me as much as I wanted to hang out with you.
But then things changed. You grew up. You moved on, made new friends, created a new life. You found yourself and left me behind.
I struggled to stay afloat. Our conversations, which were once daily, became infrequent. They became awkward. I no longer knew what was going on in your life. The little things. I was on the outside, begging you to let me in. I tried incessantly to break down that wall.
But you exhausted me. I became exhausted from trying so hard when you didn’t appear to want to try at all. You were suddenly too busy for me. Too many new friends to see and new things to try.
And I am happy for you. I truly am. I am so proud of you for flourishing and for gaining the confidence you now appear to flaunt. But I am sad about what has meant for us. I am disappointed that things won’t ever be the same as they once were between us.
What kills me is that I should have seen this coming. I let you into every aspect of my life, my mind, my soul. You were my family for such a long time. I didn’t think I needed to protect my heart from you. I never questioned why that was never reciprocated; why you never truly let me in.
So I guess I should say thank you for who you were and what you did for me. I will forever appreciate the sacrifices you made to make my life better. I am stronger now and I know I can make it on my own.
My heart still hurts sometimes, but I don’t think I need you anymore.