NewsCorp’s hotly-anticipated new iPad publication (it’s marketed as a newspaper, but many have commented it’s more magaziney) launched last week, with a much-watched, feverishly-tweeted-about, live-streamed launch event in New York. It’s called The Daily. At a budget of just under half a million bones per week, Murdoch and co. have big goals for The Daily, expecting it to become a major staple in quality news coverage each day, in the same echelon as the Times, WSJ, and WashPo. So, in this second week of its lifespan, they’re rolling out the big vids. The videos that deliver a surprising, illuminating story you haven’t heard yet, with deep, unbiased reporting. Videos like this one:
So, in a nutshell, the people of The Daily editorial team either haven’t seen The Social Network, or think you didn’t see it. Regardless, they think the fact that Goofy and Doofy Winklevoss still resent Mark Zuckerberg, and want more money, is news. A $65 million settlement (which is actually the lowest estimate that has been made about what the twins nabbed from Daddy Zuckbucks) isn’t enough for them. They deserve more, or at least, that’s what The Daily‘s reporter Erin Ade thinks. Then again, she’s a childhood friend of the twins (granted, at least she divulges this information, though she declares it in such a hearty, proud tone that it suggests she spent her teen years having sleepovers with the crewsome twosome). This is only part one of a “3-part video exclusive” (!!) from The Daily, so get excited.
For now, if you don’t feel like watching (and who has time, anyway, when there are cats pawing at iPads and Old Spice ads to be watched), here’s a play-by-play of what we learn from the video. They packed a lot into 2:37, that’s for sure.
- Gladiator-style, epic music follows the Winklevi wherever they go, clad in their graphic tees, keeping their arms stiff.
- Like any red-blooded, powerful rowers, the Winklevi get sweat on their upper lip. But don’t sweat it, bro! They can just wipe it off. An action that, clearly, makes for good video content.
- Mark Zuckerberg’s chosen outfit of a hoodie and flip-flops is a “shtick.” It’s “so obvious” (what is?), and “he thinks that he’s sort of fooling the world with it.” Why and how one would fool others by dressing like a schlub, and why wearing hoodies and flip-flops in California would be a shtick, that’s beyond me.
- The Winklevi know their way around a rowing unitard.
- Mark Zuckerberg is the type of person that “can… shake your hand and… say… and act… and verbalize, like, you know, he’s behaving in good faith, and then do… the exact opposite.” Yes, the ability to verbalize can often lead to evil. The Winklevi don’t have it, so no worries, they’re good.
- The Winklevi and Erin are childhood friends. Awesome! Thus she gets to ride on their crew boat.
- Mark Zuckerberg “just won’t admit or accept himself what the whole world know.” And what’s that?
- The Winklevi don’t mind telling you: “He was a bit awkward, um, but we sort of, you kind of expected that.” So, heads up, if you know about computers, chances are the Winklevi fully expect you to be awkward. NBD, yo.
- The Winklevi feel Mark Zuckerberg stole their idea, but that’s NOT what really grinds their gears! What really gets their goat is the fact that Zuckerberg “thinks it’s all about him.” Because yes, that’s the reason they still want more money—they don’t like egos.
- The Winklevi do a lot of walking. This we know to be true, thanks to the four or five shots of them walking. And when they do walk, it’s side-by-side, stepping in unison, like the Men in Black.
- The Winklevi have a message for Mark Zuckerberg: “Grow up and, like, admit to yourself– No, admit to the world and yourself what you already know is true! The moment you do that is the moment that the chapter will be closed, and you can move on, and sort of grow as an individual.” See, they’re just self-help gurus! They want to help Mark Zuckerberg grow as an individual.
- “The world of the social network is not, not a happy place. It’s in many ways a dark place.” Which social network? The movie, or Facebook.com? Well, no matter—both are dark. So, so dark…
- When the Winklevi stand shoulder-to-shoulder next to a mirror, it looks like there are four of them!