Trump Watch, April 5th, 2016: Donald Promises To Take Care Of Miss Wisconsin’s Son When She Dies

via Flickr - Michael Vaddon
via Flickr – Michael Vaddon

Donald is revealing a softer side of the Trump. Last week, Melissa Young who was Miss Wisconsin and won the Miss USA pageant in 2005 came to Trump’s Janesville, Wisconsin rally to personally thank him for sending her a handwritten note when Young was diagnosed with a serious illness that, she says, has rendered her heart as weak as that of an 88-year-old woman.

Young wept while describing the handwritten note Donald sent her which read

“To: Melissa

One of the bravest women I know.

Best Wishes,

Donald Trump.”

In response to Young speaking to him at the rally, Trump said that he remembered sending the note and said she was an “amazing woman,” asking “are you coming along okay?”

Young responded, “No, sir.”

No word yet on how much money was included in that note to assist in paying Young’s medical bills but it was probably a yuge amount knowing Big-Hearted Donald. Also no word as to what Donald donated to Young’s GoFundMe account requesting 10k in 2014 but probably the whole amount, right?

Young also stated in an interview that Donald told her that her “son would be taken care of.”

In a later interview, Young described Donald as “the kindest man I have ever met.”

And spoke on behalf of Trump yesterday at one of his Wisconsin rallies imploring Wisconsinites to vote Trump on Tuesday.

The GOP Wisconsin primary is tonight and Ted Cruz is favored to win by nearly all mainstream pollsters. But we all know that Trump’s really going to win because one poll out of seven indicates he’s up by 10 points in Wisconsin and Trump is an outlier and a fighter who defies polls except when they accurately predict him winning.

UPDATE: Trump lost.

March 30th, 2016: Trump Is An Unstoppable Force Constructed Of Pure Will

So much has happened with the Donald since last week it’s hard to know where to start but let’s start with this video which a friend shared with me. It illustrates all that there is to love and to hate about Donald. It is pure Trump down to the last inch.

The inability or outright refusal to yield control of the narrative, even to answer a question, the repetition, the consistent interjection of familiar talking points, all of it is exactly what Trump is about. The guy is an unstoppable juggernaut of pure will.

You know who else is an unstoppable juggernaut of pure will besides Hitler and Charlie Sheen? The actual Juggernaut. The Juggernaut parody video from 2007 (which has 8,000,000 views) tells you all you need to know about how Donald Trump deals with the media. He just keeps going, insulting his opposition the whole way. If he hits a dead end or gets caught up in a situation that requires details then he goes back on message about what’s necessary to Make America Great Again©.

It’s a marvel to be seen.

However, the GOP appears to be setting up Wisconsin as the GOP’s immovable object, pulling out all the stops to make it his Waterloo. The entire state’s Republican apparatus is out in force to oppose him even if they aren’t crazy about Lyin’ Ted Cruz©.

Polls also show Ted leading by 10 points despite possibly cheating on his wife five times.

Whether that’s because no one will believe that any woman would ever sleep with Ted Cruz or because his conservative Christian supporters just don’t care is impossible to know.

March 24th, 2016: Sorcerer Trump invades Emory University.

Trump’s inky shadow has been seen lately even among the hallowed halls of America’s most holy and stalwart establishments and by that, of course, I mean the private universities which span this great nation of ours.

Most recently it was Emory University which felt the cold touch of the Donald’s influence. A lo, that touch was cold.

via campusreform
via campusreform

Now the student body at lovely Emory is a tough group, no doubt, but this, this is a bridge too far. The depiction of Trump’s name, “Trump”, written legibly in chalk is something that no true American would allow. The very name summons the spirits and demons of racism, sexism, and xenophobia which we have been attempting to exorcise lo these many decades. But What Is To Be Done?! in the face of such chalky hatred?

Ban? Did someone say ban? Not yet, no, but it’s not for lack of trying. There is pain at Emory, oh dear reader! Pain not seen in a thousand generations! Come, feel the pain of this poor angel, confounded by all she has seen.

“I’m supposed to feel comfortable and safe but this man is being supported by students on our campus and our administration shows that they, by their silence, support it as well … I don’t deserve to feel afraid at my school.”

Safety violated? Silence? My gods but what have we become. Animals? Something worse? Bear with me another moment for there is more pain and it is pain that must be seen to be believed.

“It was like cross burning. It was on private property. It was extremely damaging and the students and faculty were totally embarrassed…it was absolutely intended to intimidate everyone and it worked.”

Trump’s powers are many indeed for him to reach so far into the ivory fortress and strike such a wound. Dumbledore, Snape, Gandalf, etc, help us.

In other news…The Trump has a new icon, possibly. Please let it be so.

March 23rd, 2016: ‘Lyin Ted’ With A Side of Trump’s Hot Wife

It is official. Donald Trump has officially named Ted Cruz “Lyin’ Ted©.” The nickname is everywhere on Trump’s Twitter feed.

“I will be the best by far in fighting terror. I’m the only one that was right from the beginning, & now Lyin’ Ted© & others are copying me.”

“Low energy Jeb Bush just endorsed a man he truly hates, Lyin’ Ted Cruz©. Honestly, I can’t blame Jeb in that I drove him into oblivion!”

Lyin’ Ted Cruz© steals foreign policy from me, and lines from Michael Douglas— just another dishonest politician.”

Lyin’ Ted Cruz© denied that he had anything to do with the G.Q. model photo post of Melania. That’s why we call him Lyin’ Ted!”

And those four are just over the last six hours. Oops, better make it five. He just posted again.

“I think having Jeb’s endorsement hurts Lyin’ Ted©. Jeb spent more than $150,000,000 and got nothing. I spent a fraction of that and am first!”

“Lyin’ Ted©” now appears alongside the other nickname zingers Donald’s graced us with this campaign season including “Low Energy Jeb©” and “Little Marco©.”

In other goings on, Lyin’ Ted© has a super PAC on his side called “Awesome American” or “America Is Awesome” or something like that. They’re running this devastating ad against Donald.


Truly, Trump’s support among straight males is now destined to drop as they realize just how scorchingly hot his wife is.

This is all very mild stuff though compared to the fights that broke out over Trump not having enough seating capacity at his rallies. People really get heated when they can’t sit down and last week’s skirmish in Tucson, Arizona is just an example of that.

Get more seating, Donald! The people outside are tired of waiting! I’m really not sure if he’s ever going to learn. Seating capacity and impatience has been an ongoing problem at his rallies since the beginning.

March 17th, 2016: Trump Shotguns Everyone In Sight

Trump attacked Megyn Kelly again today saying she is “highly overrated” and to “focus on others!” He also attacked Hillary Clinton and Ted Cruz and ran a poll asking who was the bigger liar. So far Hillary is winning. She’s probably happy to hear it. She likes winning.

He also attacked the Wall Street Journal saying they’re bad at “math” or physics or whatever. He demanded they “apologize” for their lack of math or physics skills.

He also attacked Ted Cruz again saying the reasons evangelicals won’t vote for him is because they are “very smart.”

He also attacked Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager calling him “Sad!” He also attacked Fox News for having bad and boring debates.

Donald won every state but Ohio on Tuesday. He has a new attack ad out where Putin laughs at Hillary Clinton while she barks like a dog.

The Kremlin was ecstatic at being featured.

“It’s an open secret for us that demonizing Russia and whatever is linked to Russia is unfortunately a mandatory hallmark of America’s election campaign. We always sincerely regret this and wish the (US) electoral process was conducted without such references to our country.” 

They loved it.

March 15th, 2016: Nice Guys Get Put Down

Trump attacked John Kasich today reminding everyone that Kasich isn’t a nice guy. “Watching John Kasich being interviewed – acting so innocent and like such a nice guy. Remember him in second debate, until I put him down.” Donald just wants to remind everyone that he’s the nice one, not John Kasich who is just acting nice. People who act nice have to be put down.

Florida, Illinois, North Carolina, Missouri, and Ohio are all doing the GOP voting thing today. I predict that Trump will win the Black vote handily in both Illinois and North Carolina and Donald is predicted to win every state except Ohio.

There are reports out there that Trump’s name was left off of a bunch of Florida ballots. I’m sure that’s just a mistake.

Also, people are accusing Trump of doing 9/11. I imagine we’ll start seeing attacks ads about it soon.

March 14th, 2016: An Accident In Chicago

What a crazy weekend for trying to get into a Trump rally. Up in Chicago it looks like they didn’t sell enough tickets and a lot of people ended up fighting to get seats.

Trump wine and steaks were not served at this rally. Coincidence?

March 10th, 2016: An Accident In North Carolina

Trump attacked Fox News today saying “Wow, you are all correct about @ – totally biased and disgusting reporting.” I think he was talking to his followers maybe? Maybe the entire internet? Maybe the Democrats? Anyway, it looks like Donald is on to them.

He also tweeted an ad saying he wants to keep “lightweight” Marco Rubio and “his friends” out of the White House. The debates are tonight so Donald will probably let Marco know this in person in case he didn’t see the ad. Donald’s pretty thorough, I think. I don’t think he’d want Marco to miss the ad.

There was kind of an interesting incident at Donald’s North Carolina rally last night that a lot of people are making a big deal out of. A group called “Black Lives Matters” was protesting there for some reason and were asked to leave. On their way out, a Trump supporter, obviously trying to keep one of the protesters from falling backwards down the stairs, balanced the guy’s head with his fist and I think he misjudged the distance because the guy pitched forward up the stairs. Security was quick though and grabbed the protester and pulled him up the stairs to make sure he didn’t fall.

You’re always safe at a Trump rally it seems, so many people looking out for you.

March 9th, 2016: Trump Performs Miracle Of Turning Politics Into Wine And Steak

Trump attacked the Club for Growth today saying “Phony Club For Growth tried to shake me down for one million dollars, & is now putting out nasty negative ads on me. They are total losers!” I’m not sure why he bothered talking about a phony club. I mean, if it’s not real then what’s the point? Just mark them spam and move on.

Trump didn’t sweep all four states yesterday like everyone said he would. Ted Cruz won in Idaho. Donald seemed to take it pretty well and had Trump wine and Trump steak at his victory afterparty last night. He apparently has a palatial 600 acre setup on the Potomac River in Virginia where the grapes are grown for Trump wine.

Not at all the Trump vineyards
Not at all the Trump vineyards

He offered all the reporters free wine. I mean he ended up yelling at one reporter but he still offered him free wine. I don’t know if Trump had been drinking or if the reporter had but there was wine available. You could see it right behind him.

At one point he was really nice though and complimented a different reporter for being beautiful and so politically correct.

So, all in all I think he was nice to everyone.

He did seem a little tired. He’s such a dynamo that it’s hard to tell but to me the area around his eyes seemed a little whiter than usual. Still, at the end of his speech he asked all the other Republican candidates to drop out so everyone could unite behind his campaign so I guess he wasn’t that tired.

The 10,001st Republican debate is tomorrow which is really great because they’ve all been very informative I think and really varied in the topics.

March 8th, 2016: Ivanka Trump Is Our Future

Donald was mad at Mitt and Lindsey again today. He tweeted that they’re both losers and that Lindsey was a drop out. He says it’s all very sad.

Today Mississippi, Hawaii, Michigan, and Idaho all report to the polls to decide whether they want to bring back Christmas or see it become another also-ran holiday like the Winter Solstice. Last night Trump promised Mississippians he’d save Christmas like Jason Alexander in that awful 2002 movie. The War on Christmas just seems to start earlier every year. Maybe Trump can stop that from happening.

He also released four videos, one for each state, with Ivanka asking people to get out and vote. Ivanka is very pretty. I really think all those years running the Miss America pageant put Donald in touch with what Americans really care about. The videos reflect that I think. Complex stuff, honestly.

Looking at the polls, the predicted simultaneous loss of all four states to The Donald tonight may cause the Earth to shake. I’m expecting tremors.

March 7th, 2016: A Question Of Hands

Donald Trump made fun of Marco Rubio today in a new ad. He said Rubio had been ripping the government and the Republican Party off through double billing and unapproved driveway construction. He also says Rubio is a lazy Senator who hardly ever shows up for his job. Then, after all that, he tweeted out that Rubio is a low energy guy, a stab at the man’s virility after Rubio said Trump had “small hands” and Donald had to go on tv and defend the size of his manhood.

Somebody else on Twitter said that the video shows a picture of the House instead of the Senate which is probably a little embarrassing.

Donald also made a video today about Trump University and showed a bunch of hand-written reviews from people. He cited the Better Business Bureau and seemed really serious about it and a little hurt that people might have gotten the wrong idea.

Tonight at 7pm he’s doing a rally at Madison County School District in Madison, Mississippi. He’s got five planned for the month. The guy’s doing a lot of traveling, it seems. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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