4 Annoying Reasons People Won’t Date Each Other

There’s no such thing as the “perfect mate.” Really, I promise you won’t find one no matter how hard you look. And for the egomaniacs out there, it’s not you, no matter how good you feel about yourself after you “totally swept those randos from the bar off their feet and only slept alone cuz you’re so unlucky to have gotten cockblocked.” And no matter how hard you try to do everything you can to be Prince Charming, it’s just not going to happen.

I’ve made peace with this though, and I’m completely down with accepting who I am. Well, scratch that. I’m fine accepting I’m not perfect – there are plenty of things I’d still change about myself, but I digress. So, while I know there are big things that make someone completely un-datable (i.e. cheating, smelling bad, never having seen an episode of How I Met Your Mother), there are some things that we just have to accept are going to happen, and be annoying, in modern relationships. And you should join me, and we’ll all just know what we’re dealing with. So, without further ado, I present to you the reasons your next SO will annoy you (and perhaps more importantly, why you’ll annoy them):
image - Flickr / Khánh Hmoong
image – Flickr / Khánh Hmoong

1. Flip-flops

I actually didn’t know this until recently, but apparently a lot of people find flip-flops really gross. I kinda get it, because feet are gross in general, and flip-flops make it so they’re just hanging out there all the time, but I just didn’t think it would be this big of a deal. Because really, how often are you actually looking at someone’s feet? But let’s be honest, summer is upon us, it’s hot, and they’re not going anywhere. They’re really comfortable, you get to feel the breeze on your feet, and you avoid an awkward sock tan situation. And deep down, we all want to believe that our feet aren’t that gross…or at least not deal-breaker gross.

2. Annoyingly Big Sports Fans

If you’re one of the few couples out there who are both huge sports fans, you should probably just buy the first flight to Vegas and get married and then go on a honeymoon to the World Cup. But unless that’s you, you’re probably going to be at least a little bit annoyed by your SO’s sports tendencies. Or on the flip side, you’re going to really annoy your SO with your rabid fandom. And while sometimes a huge event can take priority, like the birth of your child, a solar eclipse, or a Beatles reunion concert where all 4 are alive and present, every gloriously disappointing moment is going to end up taking priority most of the time. And while pretty much no one would block off an 162 game baseball season, sports fans might schedule date night for when the O’s have a day game, at which point they’ll fail to hide the fact that they’re deeply upset about Adam Jones making an error to lose the game while blowing a fucking bubble with his gum. So my advice: find someone who cheers for bad teams, because then at least you don’t need to worry about the playoffs.

3. Compulsive Over Thinker

While 99% of the time a text saying you’re busy actually just means you’re busy, it’s important to analyze the millions of other possibilities, in case it actually means something else. Well, actually no, it’s not at all important to analyze those possibilities, but you’re still going to do it. Because what if they noticed you wearing flip-flops and decided that they no longer want to associate with you, so they’re just saying they’re busy before going to Vegas to cheat on you? I bet it doesn’t seem so illogical when I put it like that. But really, the only actual impact that this would have on your relationship will be some awkward text making sure everything is peachy and wonderful, and you would be reassured that everything is great. And while you’d certainly over think that too, you would stop asking about it at that point, and it would just awkwardly linger in the back of your mind until you find something else to over think.

4. Internet Timewhore

This may seem like it’s not a big deal, because it’s really not, but it’ll still be annoying. And I don’t mean in the sense of feeling neglected because of Internet use, because no one would never say, “No sorry I don’t want to make out with you because I’m busy looking at pictures of cats.” It does, however, mean that when you show your SO something you think is funny, they’ve probably already seen it. This is especially true if you follow those random pages on Facebook, because those are all Reddit/Tumblr posts from 2 days ago, with the odd 8-year-old MySpace post mixed in. And then you’re going to show it to them, and they’ll either have to pretend they haven’t seen it, which you’ll see through, or they’ll hafta say “seen it” which will be a complete buzzkill. Basically, you need to constantly try to be one Internet step ahead of your SO at all times, which becomes more exhausting than the relationship itself.

Anyway, perhaps at some point you’ll try even harder to reach this unattainable Prince Charming status, but until then, just own it. Wear those flip-flops, watch those games (unless you’re a Yankee fan), and over think every little reference that your SO has already heard. It’s what modern dating has become. And it’s okay. TC mark

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