An Open Letter To The Man I Can’t Forget: Why Did You Have To Die?

I broke up with my new boyfriend because I couldn’t take it any longer. I know that he loves me so much and he will do anything just to make me happy. But I don’t want to hurt him anymore. That boy belongs to someone else, someone better than me. He begged for me to stay, made a lot of promises, but I still chose to break his heart. If only he can understand how hard it is to see him crying. I killed a part of him who’s willing to sacrifice, just to capture my heart.

They say I’m blinded by my past. But they didn’t know that it’s not easy to forget someone who made a big change in your life. I know, I know…time passes so fast and here I am, still searching for you. No one knows the history between us. No one knows how much of an effect you have that I still can’t move on until this very day.

I remembered the day we first met. I was a transfer student and I didn’t know how to make new friends. You waved at me and smiled. My cheeks turned red, and waved back at you. It’s one of the happiest days of my life, don’t you believe it? Every time I looked back at the past, remembering you has never been wrong.

Everyone at school loves you, including me, who stalks you a lot. Funny that you didn’t catch me staring at you. Or we can say that you notice me but you don’t mind at all. You’re smart and kind, and let’s not forget to add that you’re pretty handsome. You don’t talk much, but your eyes say it all. If I don’t stop staring at it, I will definitely melt. And I don’t know what kind of sorcery did you use, but I’m totally into you.

Simply looking at you makes me happy, every glance makes my heart wonder. You’re not fully aware of what kind of magic you used on me, but you changed my world in a whole new level. The moment I saw you, I knew that you are special. You even surpassed that hypothesis because you made me love you. You made fall deeply in love with you. And I’m glad that it actually happened because I can’t imagine my life without you.

One day you told me, you loved me too. And the reason why you waved at me on the first day of school is because you wanted me to be yours. I laughed at the sudden confession because I didn’t know if you were making fun of me. I’m not remarkable, unique or whatever, but the thought that you want me to be yours feels so right. You hold my hand, and kneel in front of me.

“Let’s start again, leave all your worries behind. Let me love you for the rest of our lives.”

Tears started falling into my eyes and the happiness within our hearts was limitless. From that moment on, we both promised that will never let go of each other and that no matter how hard life is will stand tall and we will continue to fight for our love.

I treasured every day we spent together. No time was ever wasted. You showed me the true meaning of living your life to the fullest. You made me the luckiest girl on earth and I’m happy that I found you. The world constantly changes every day, but my love for you will never wilt. The sun will continue to shine and no storms can destroy us.

But every story has an ending and I never thought that this day will come. I recalled the seconds, minutes, hours and days we’ve been together before you gave up your last breath. It was painful seeing you in that bed, in that death-bed that separated us. We made a pact, right? But you left me.

I know that it wasn’t really your intention to hurt me, but you still did and I hate you for that. I love you so much that it still hurts, even until this day. It’s been five years since you left, but the memories didn’t fade away. I can still remember the way you looked after me. I can still feel the warm embrace and how soft your lips were. I remembered everything, every single thing about you.

Sorry that I still can’t fulfill your last words. I don’t know if I can love someone else. Sorry if sometimes I asked God to take my life away so I can be with you now. Sorry for being so heartless.

If you were still alive, for sure you’d get mad at me. But a promise is still a promise. I’ll try again, okay? For you, I will.

I love you so much and I miss you. No one can ever replace you. I will never forget you.

Please look after me from heaven.