15 Things Diner Hostesses Wish They Could Say to Customers

Everett Collection / (Shutterstock.com)
Everett Collection / (Shutterstock.com)

I worked as a hostess at a popular diner in Greenbelt, Maryland for over a year, and I call BS on the claim that “the customer is always right.” Here are some of the things I wish I said to the slew of overly demanding and rude-ass customers that rolled up to the diner on a high horse, just begging to be put in their place.

1.

I just said “Hello, How are you?” Did you not hear me? Are you deaf?

2.

Oh, you are deaf. I am so sorry.

3.

Haha! Funny joke! No, sir, I am not 12. That would be child labor. That is illegal.

4.

Your food will still taste shitty whether you sit at a table or a booth.

5.

No, I did not sit you in the back of the restaurant because you are black.

6.

I’m black. Why would I sit you in the back of the restaurant because you are black?

7.

If I was here to follow you to the table where you wanted to sit, I wouldn’t have a job, now would I?

8.

That is not how you say my name, but I truly appreciate all the effort you invested in reading my nametag.

9.

Wait…you really thought I sat you back here because you are black?

10.

It’s really not that cute that you know all of the waiters by name. You should probably learn how to cook at home.

11.

No, you may not cut in front of the line because you are a “regular.” Fall back, ma’am.

12.

Yes, we do have a “really quiet booth” in the diner for you to sit at so you can do some work. It’s actually a cubicle, though. And it’s actually down the street AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.

13.

Your food doesn’t taste the way you wanted it to? Thank you for telling me, because as the hostess, I cook all the food myself.

14.

Oh, the service was “atrocious” today? I truly hope your experience is better when I see you back here in two days.

15.

Wow, you’ve been coming to this diner every weekend since you were eight years old!? You should probably move out of your parents’ basement. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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