“Every second that you stayed with them, knowing how they treat you, you non-verbally stated that their behavior is acceptable, and that you don’t believe you deserve any better.”
When a relationship becomes toxic, it is because the two people in it have developed a relationship dynamic that is unhealthy and counterproductive. More likely than not, we are fully aware of this; we just turn a blind eye to it because we fear losing the person and ending up alone.
However, this state of denial is exactly what is keeping us stuck in situations that make us unhappy. And, until we are able to tell ourselves these truths, we will never be able to move forward. Let’s rip off the band-aid today, shall we?
1. They’re not going to change.
Forget about how much you love them and about the history you guys share and think rationally for a minute: if they have been acting the same way, doing the same things, despite the problems they have caused between you, what is the probability that they are just going to wake up the next morning and be different?
C’mon, admit it – little to none. If they were going to change, they would have done it already. This is just how they are. Or, at the very least, this is just how they have become accustomed to dealing with you. And, as you’ve probably noticed, nagging and lamenting about how much you hate the way they treat you is getting you nowhere.
2. Your relationship will only get worse as time goes on.
Remember how, in school, there were the classes you could afford to skip out on homework in, and the classes where you wouldn’t dare do that? It’s no different in relationships. At the root, people are like children – they test their boundaries to see what they can get away with.
Thus far, they must have been able to get away with some stuff if your situation has become this toxic, so if you stay longer, please believe they will do the next a**hole thing, or worse.
3. You have played a part in this.
You helped create your relationship dynamic every time you made excuses for them. Every time you rationalized their actions. Every time you ignored your gut instinct about them. And, every time you went back to them, even after they did things they knew would hurt you.
Every second that you stayed with them while knowing how they treat you, you non-verbally stated that their behavior is acceptable and that you don’t believe you deserve any better. You have shown them that you are going to stick with them, no matter how badly they treat you. So, they’ve become very complacent about you, and about the relationship.
4. They know they are hurting you… and, they don’t care.
They may even feel justified in their actions, no matter how irrational their mental state might be. As a rule, toxic people tend not to think rationally, so it’s very likely that they have come up with some weird justification for what they did. Remember, no crazy person ever believes they are crazy. A lot of times, they may even try to make you out to be the crazy one.
5. They know they can manipulate you.
They know exactly what to say to make you come back. They know where your weak spot is and will hit you there as many times as they need to, and use it to win you over. They know exactly what they need to do to make you go weak at the knees and forget whatever heinous thing they have just done.
Or, if that doesn’t work, they have backup tactics, the most common ones being guilt trips, placing the blame on you, and even denying whatever they did in the first place.
6. They aren’t truly sorry.
And they may never be… no matter how many times they say it.
7. They don’t love you.
This might be the hardest one to swallow. But it’s true. People don’t continue to knowingly hurt those they love. Love is respect.