Today is a Saturday.**
I woke up feeling lonely, as can often be the case when you’re dealing with a breakup. Lately, weekends have been kinda rough for me. For the first few months after my life was turned upside down, I was surprisingly busy.
My friends were rallying around me, trying to distract me with shopping and wine tasting and haircuts and hikes and gossip. My parents were so worried about me they’d pick me up from my apartment on Friday nights and whisk me to their house for a weekend of board games and home-cooked meals.
But after a few months, everyone went back to their own lives. (To be clear: I ain’t mad! I’m so appreciative of everything my family and friends did and are doing for me.) And I’ve been trying to go back to me life. Well, not so much go back to my life as start a new one.
And as it turns out, starting a new life by yourself is lonely! (Thank you Capt. Obvious.) One of the mundane benefits of being in a relationship is having someone to do nothing with. Boring Saturdays are the best when you’re with someone. Boring Saturdays are cruel when you’re alone. (Especially when you’re newly alone.)
It’s not that I don’t have friends, or things to do. But now that I’m on my own, there’s quite a bit of time between Friday at 5 p.m. and Monday at 9 a.m., and the only built-in company I have is my puppy. This morning, I woke up and took the puppy for a long walk, then came home and ate breakfast. Now, I have a four-hour stretch before my next thing, a tennis tournament.
It doesn’t feel good. But here’s the thing: It’s temporary.
That’s what’s been helping the most. The idea (and reality) that being alone is not a forever thing. Well, unless you want it to be a forever thing: in that case, more power to you. But I know I won’t live my life alone, just as most people won’t, because I don’t want to. It’s not part of the plan.
Just because you’re spending a few Saturday afternoons by yourself doesn’t mean it’s always going to be that way. Just because you’re sleeping alone now doesn’t mean you will be forever.
I realize that temporary isn’t a classically inspiring and healing word. But it’s brought me a lot of solace.