Ever since my last serious relationship ended four years ago, I’ve become a professional dater. I’ve been on about 500 first dates (no exaggeration) and been in a number successful relationships in the last four years. The most important thing I’ve discovered is that dating older men is the antidote to modern dating’s notorious disappointments. Dating older men turned out to be the answer to my dating problems, and this changeover solved every dating frustration. So, if you’ve had bad luck in dating, I guess I’m wondering – have you stopped to think that maybe it’s time to check a new pool (*cough* older men) in order to find that elusive Mr. Right? Men in their 40s are the best kept secret for any millennial woman looking for a serious man who will actually check off all the boxes. These men have checked off certain important milestones in their lives in order to be a well-rounded, whole person who is completely ready for a relationship. In the last four years I’ve dipped in and out of singlehood, never shying away from meeting (and dating) new people, and I’ve learned a lot along the way.
Dating can bring out every emotion from fabulous and fun to frustrating and frightening, but that’s never caused me to avoid it. Am I picky? Hell yes. Aren’t we all? High standards, high self-worth and high expectations are all crucial, and older men are the ones who will live up to those ideals. I personally date men who are a minimum of 10 years older than me, and the oldest I dated was 21 years older. This particular relationship occurred when I was 24, fresh out of a serious relationship which ended quite horribly. My friend’s 45-year-old boss charmed me and showed me the benefits of going older. Fancy dinners, cocktail parties, opening doors, picking me up, checking in on a regular basis, and confidently speaking of a serious future together were only some of the perks. There were no mind games, no lapsed text conversations, and no bullshit. Suddenly, dating older men seemed like the answer to all my dating woes. He definitely converted me as I began dating a new age bracket, and my experiences dating older men since have been awesome. Here are 5 major benefits of dating older men:
Older men have finished grinding it out in their careers
When you’re dating men in their 20s and 30s, they still have so much to learn. School, work, finances, goals, life – and there’s just so much happening in this pinnacle time in their lives that relationships seem to be a secondary priority – or not a priority at all. A smart, successful, confident man with goals and aspirations will always be an appealing choice, but being a priority is even more appealing. And while some relationships can stand this pressure test while your man is out conquering the world and achieving his goals, dating an older man who has already achieved them is even better. Catching a 40-something man at the summit is much less stressful than scrambling up the mountain behind a 20-something, hoping they don’t stumble and need to drop the extra weight (which would be you.)
They’ve learned from past dating mistakes and they will treat you with respect
Men in their 40s have run through the flaming dating hoops just like we have, and come out on the other side much better for it. All this experience means they’re more likely to be in a place in their life where they’re truly fit for a relationship. They’re not here to waste your time, they know exactly what they’re looking for, and they’ll go after what they want with bravery and confidence. They know how to treat a woman right, so they probably won’t be asking you to send nudes or flaking out on plans.
This learned behavior of treating you right truly does stem from dating experience. Unless they somehow managed to build their empires from their mom’s basement, chances are pretty solid that men in their 40s have also had their fair share of partners. They’ve had their fair share of crazy (and sane) exes, they’ve experienced heartbreak and they’ve been heartbreakers. They’ve perhaps been through a failed marriage (or 2 or 3), a broken engagement or the kind of love that was just bad timing but taught them exactly what they’re looking for in a partner.
Older men are more likely to be ready for stability and family
You’ve encountered countless commitment-phobic men in their 20s and 30s, but men in their 40s aren’t running for the hills with quite the same stamina whenever the topic of Where is this going? spills out onto the dinner table. Something happens to men when they hit 40. They’re done with the bar scene (for the most part) with their best partying years behind them, they’re starting to feel their age, and they don’t have very much of that fear of missing out. If they’ve always wanted to be a dad and have a family, hitting 40 is the male equivalent to the 30-something woman’s ticking biological clock. Just like we don’t want to be super old moms, they don’t want to be picking up a kindergarten-er from a play date in their 60s. Men in their 40s, if they haven’t already had kids, are now finally ready to put family first.
The age gap means your man will have less of a wandering eye
Yes, this makes the list as well. Let’s be real… a real relationship is founded on trust, first and foremost, no matter what age you are. But when you’re dating a man who’s 10 or more years older than you, you reap all the previously mentioned benefits, plus more trust. No matter what happens between the two of you, you’ll always be younger and cuter than him! Not a bad card to whip out of your back pocket when you want him to crack a smile in the middle of an argument. But not only this, it’s reassuring to know that with this age gap between the two of you, he’ll be less likely to entertain the ‘grass is always greener’ mentality and he’ll have less of a wandering eye. He knows he’s already bragging about the most beautifully manicured lawn on the block.
Men in their 40s or older are financially healthier
Yes, you’re an independent woman, and yes, you can buy your own drinks, sushi, clothes, etc… but it’s refreshing and very attractive, to know that if someone pulled the rug out from under your feet, your man could and would help break your financial fall. But not only is he capable of playing your handsome hero on horseback, it goes much further than this. Older men worked hard in their 20s and 30s so that they could enjoy the finer things in their 40s. They own their own homes, are more likely to have paid off their vehicles, have a strong investment portfolio and want to enjoy more expensive restaurants, wines, dates and vacations than those younger men still working their way up the corporate ladder. Older men are financially healthier, which equates to a healthier overall relationship.
You Might Also Like: Aren’t You Glad You Read This? The Complete How-To Guide for Singles with a History of Failed Relationships Who Want their Next Relationship to Succeed by Erica Gordon, available here.