West Virginia Man Kidnaps and Murders Pet Goat While High on Bath Salts

ALUM CREEK, WEST VIRGINIA–Mark Thompson, 19, is being accused of kidnapping and murdering his neighbor’s pygmy (domestic) goat while high on bath salts.

The goat, named Bailey, belonged to Lisa Powers, who bought the animal this past Friday for her young grandson. Power’s nephew, Joshua Pollis, received a call early yesterday morning from a different neighbor stating that the goat was walking around Thompson’s house.

Powers explained: β€œThey told him that my goat was wandering around in Mark’s house and he’d better come and get it… They called my nephew because he’d been there before.”

Pollis and two other unnamed women went to Thompson’s home to investigate and found him in his bedroom, according to Powers. Before they entered room, Thompson said β€œDon’t come in, I’m naked.”

“But they opened the door and he was standing there with his pants down. He had on women’s clothing and the goat was dead and there was blood everywhere. It was just a scene,” Powers continued.

When questioned about the goat, Thompson fled the scene.

In addition to the bloodied goat, police found a porno magazine lying a few feet away.

“We know the animal had at least one stab wound,” said Sean Snuffer of the Sheriff’s Department. “They are also searching for signs of sexual trauma.”

Several hours later, Thompson was found by the police. He admitted to them that he had been high on bath salts for the past three days.

(Indeed, a quick search reveals that, in fact, one can get high off of bath salts, and they can induce terrible hallucinations, and even drive them to suicide. It’s no laughing matter).

Not surprisingly, Thompson had long caused concern amongst the small community, and some residents told the police he had mental health problems, according to Snuffer. TC mark


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  • cecile

    mmmm bath salts…

  • http://twitter.com/rhodeislander rhodeislander

    Mind you, these are not “bath salts” in any traditional sense. This is methylenedioxpyrovalerone, a chemical known and renowned far and wide to get people extremely fucked up, being sold as “bath salts” because that's more or less the most innocuous thing methylenedioxpyrovalerone is approved for general use as. No actual bath salts for actual bathing are sold in tiny little individual single serving size portions.

  • Sarah

    Reading this, my first thought is that it's actually kind of comforting to know that they can't openly make and sell meth in WV anymore.
    My grandma lived across the street from a meth lab (and down the street from SEVERAL more) for like 10 years and they're just now cracking down and closing/demolishing them.
    It'll be much easier to regulate these “bath salts.” Hopefully this era is ending.

  • jackie

    I knew Dan Hoffman wrote this as soon as I saw the headline on my facebook feed.

  • LDN

    poor goat :(

  • Lou Lou

    this shit is fucking disturbing.

  • Lou Lou

    ….also….is that guy wearing a bikini top in his mugshot? I just lol'd despite myself.

    • Joe

      I think a bikini top AND a spaghetti strap!

  • Tommmmmm

    sounds like a typical friday to me.

    • Tommmmmm

      This comment goes for 76% of everything Dan Hoffman posts.

  • natural

    I haven't taken a bath with meth in quite some time.

  • http://zuungols.myminicity.com/tra cinnarose

    Let's have a moment of silence for the poor goat. I love pygmy goats :(

    Why can't people just buy pot and coke? Oh, that's right, the War on Drugs. Huffing and K2 and now whatever the hell this is seems to be killing more people than marijuana ever did (if you ignore the violence in Mexico).

  • Guest

    he is hot

    oh oh oh i'm in love with judas juda-as etc

  • brandypass

    I have GOT to find out how to use these bath salts!

  • Opukane

    HEY! Stop screwing around you guys…didn't you read where it said “this is no laughing matter” ? Your damn posts are even funnier than the story…damn kids now days, shesh…

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