You’re In a Relationship
If you’re in a steady relationship with someone who you bone on the regular and who you get along with, maybe you have nothing to complain about. But chances are, you aren’t always satisfied. It’s unlikely that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person. After the initial period of excitement, that has become clear. Perhaps you even tell yourself that it’s not worth it, and that you ought to be on the prowl again, because there’s nothing new to explore. The only unknown is how things will come to an end – because they surely will. That could be very ugly. And who knows: maybe your partner is quite satisfied. That will make things even worse when you’re ready to move on. And, certainly, after the break you might feel even less satisfied with your love life (especially if you’re not getting laid), but what can you do? Here are some quick suggestions off the top of my head if you’re in this kind of situation: do some weird sexual shit you’ve never done before, like anal or an orgy with another couple you know. It’s not going to salvage anything, but it will spice things up a little for the remainder of your time together.
You’re Single and On The Prowl
Maybe you were in a relationship not so long ago, and now you don’t want to face those difficult emotions with someone new. Maybe you actually were satisfied in that relationship, and for assuredly tragic reasons it came to an end. Now you find that, being over the initial phase of the break-up, you want to ball again. And not only that, but your already-broken heart makes you far more immune to small rejections and other difficulties encountered in the eternal quest for ass than you otherwise would be. You probably don’t have a hard time getting action; in fact, maybe you even feel a little bit like you have the Kavorka – you’re cursed with “the lure of the animal,” and the opposite sex (or the same sex) finds you irresistible. Your life is actually complicated by all the ass you get. You are not satisfied for a very simple reason: all of that ass is basically meaningless, and you inevitably think about times when you actually loved someone. Maybe in your rovings you will come across someone who sparks something inside of you, but chances are it won’t amount to anything.
You’re Single and Looking for Meaning
Maybe you were once in love, but you’re long since over it; or maybe you’ve never been in love. Yes, you’re O.T.P., but you don’t like to call it that, because you’re not into random hook-ups or one night stands. This might be the worst position to be in, romantically speaking, because you come up against the senselessness and absurdity of the world. There are attractive people all around you and they all seem to be having sex while you’re not and you just need some tenderness in your life. Your very desire for something greater than casual sex is exactly why you’re not having any sex, because everyone you encounter can tell that you’re Serious and they’re not having it (probably because they belong to the above category). Every once in a while, yes, you do bring someone home and they sleep over. You cling to these people because they’re so rare these days and ultimately alienate them because you’re way too Into it. Oddly enough, it seems like most people belong to this category right before they get into a serious relationship, and that is perhaps why it’s always a little bit crazy when people get together and get serious about it.
You’re Single and Don’t Do Casual Sex
You never understood casual sex. You haven’t had many partners, and your risk of having an STD is very low. It’s not that you aren’t desirable or attractive; it’s just that, for whatever reason, you’ve always taken sex very seriously and have only had it with serious partners. You are actually probably kind of happy because you have a healthy attitude about things and generally avoid excessive drama in your life. But nonetheless, you are single at this moment and since you don’t have casual sex and you’re in your twenties, that sort of cuts off a large percentage of people you might otherwise be with – but maybe you don’t want to be with them, anyway? You are lonely, but I’m more confident about you than any of the others – something good will turn up.
You Have No Game
You would give anything to be in one of the above categories. You just have no game. Maybe there’s something wrong with you, maybe there isn’t. But in any case, you haven’t gotten anything in a while. Maybe it’s been longer than eight months since you’ve had any kind of sexual encounter, and according to Woody Allen, if you go eight months without getting anything, then you have something to worry about. You are probably quite depressed. Of course, something will eventually work itself out, even if it is pure luck, and you’ll move into one of the other categories. But for now, things are rough.