We all fall. In the last 24 hours I have fallen or tripped about two or three times in front of friends, random strangers, and even potential soul mates. Some of us are just born with gangly legs and a bad sense of balance, but onward we go, laughing, scraping, and crying as others watch us perform one of the easiest stunts a clumsy human can perform. Everyone falls. In fact, you’re probably going to fall even more the older you get. If I hear one more person complain about falling in front of their latest crush or prospective husband, I may just buy them one of those cute, understated Life Alert lanyards. Seriously, falling and tripping should not be that big of a deal for you. At the very least, it’s certainly endearing to others.
2. Picking your nose.
People who deny that they pick their noses are arguably not human beings. It’s obviously really gross and awkward, but everyone picks their nose every once in a while. There’s nothing wrong with digging for gold, but there’s also nothing wrong with a small box of Kleenex or an embroidered handkerchief either. However you choose to deal with it, just remember that whoever catches you is definitely judging you and that person is definitely now fighting the urge to check their nose too. DON’T BE EMBARRASSED. When we are all old and talking shit about each other in the nursing home, I’m sure being a nose picker will really be the least of our worries.
3. Having to poop in public places.
Have you ever been on a date while you had to poop? WELL I HAVE. And guess what? I ran to the nearest bathroom and used it. I was definitely the only person in a stall, but afterwards I knew I had made the right decision. I wasn’t constantly farting the rest of the night, nor did I still smell like steak quesadilla. In fact, I finished the night with an entire tub of Ben and Jerry’s. Point is, don’t be afraid or nervous about committing to number 2 in public. It will, and it does, happen to everyone. Choose to end your night with Ben and Jerry, not an upset stomach.
4. Listening to “embarrassing” music..
I’m usually pretty open about what music I listen to. The probability of you knowing a tween album from the early 00s more than me is very unlikely (I had every album by Hillary and Lindsey. I just couldn’t take sides at 11!) I find it odd when people don’t understand that we all listen to our favorite guilty pleasures on Spotify under the “private” option. This is 2014, who doesn’t use the “private” option to binge listen to Simple Plan? So blast that Freaky Friday soundtrack and dream about the days before Lindsey had her awful reality T.V. show on OWN.
5. Checking yourself out in a reflection.
My self-confidence is usually pretty low in the morning, due in part to studying all night long for a ridiculous art history exam on Mesopotamian statues. Still, this doesn’t stop me from staring at ogre in my reflection in the L train window (I am the ogre, BTW). I can’t even begin to explain the amount of times I have found a booger in my nose (gross, I know) or crust in the corner of my eye (a weird genetic trait God gifted to my family). Usually there is some hipster with a missing tooth cackling at me for probably being so “self involved,” but I don’t care. At least my eyes are free of crust and I still have all my teeth.