1. Grocery cart collisions.
Remember how your parents allowed you to guide the grocery cart for five minutes but then took it away from you because you ran into that nice old lady’s cart full of weird meat? Well guess what? Nice old ladies with carts full of weird meat exist everywhere and most likely than not you are going to run into them even if you are at an age where you’re expected to push a grocery cart slowly and carefully. Odd interactions stemming from grocery cart collisions should be expected. Don’t be afraid of them. Just be prepared. You never know what kind of customer you will run into (just pray that’s it’s the nice old lady with weird meat).
2. Following hot people around.
Oh, yeah. I totally get it. That Ryan Gosling look-a-like just happened to notice you in the cereal aisle and gave you his number. That kind of interaction happens to everyone in the grocery store, right? No. The only reason you received that Ryan Gosling look-a-like’s number is because you saw him in that soccer sweats/tight white t-shirt ensemble and you followed him for a good thirty minutes. He didn’t know what to do. He had a stalker on his hands and he probably felt bad. Listen, no one realistically finds their significant other in a grocery store. In fact, most hot people have a boyfriend/girlfriend following them around shopping for cute couple food like spaghetti. So stop following hot people who are shopping for spaghetti ingredients; they’re taken!
3. Spending money on unhealthy food.
As a college student it feels really great to actually have money in my bank account every two weeks when I get paid. What happens to that feeling when I spend fifty dollars on essential things like cookie dough and DiGiorno pizza? It’s gone. I don’t understand how it’s possible that literally so much money can be wasted on food that makes me fat and ugly. The only thing that reassures my decision to spend money on food in the grocery store is that I don’t have to deal with actual people in a restaurant. Instead, I can eat an entire meat lover’s pizza while watching the newest episode of Scandal, all by myself.
4. Running into people in crowded aisles.
Colliding into other shoppers in a crowded aisle captures the majority of interactions I have with other shoppers. I can’t begin to tell you how many people have tried asking me to move out of their way while my ass is in the air as I’m bent over trying to find the cheapest strawberry yogurt on sale. My butt does not enjoy the attention and neither do I, but for some reason grocery aisles were designed to encourage such awkward interactions between human beings. The worst is when shoppers don’t even attempt to ask your butt to move, they just bump you into the yogurt shelf with a cart full of screaming children instead.
5. Leaving food you no longer want around the store.
The last time my roommates and I went grocery shopping we found a banana in the freezer aisle (that poor banana). The fact is, we all leave random items that we decide we can’t afford/like in the most random places around the grocery store. I left fruit rollups underneath a pile of apples at my grocery store because I felt guilty for not eating actual fruit. I wonder what grocery workers will think when they find a package of beef behind a gallon of 1% milk? The fact is we probably decided to spend our money on something better for us than that one item, like the latest edition of People magazine. The next time you give up a package of beef for the latest gossip on Miley Cyrus, don’t be ashamed. We all do it.