Heartbreakers Hurt Too


Yeah, yeah. Go on, feel sorry for the guy or girl that gets dumped.  They probably feel like the worst person in the world and could use some sympathy. But, hey, what about the one who does the dumping? They are feeling the non-love right now.

The thing is, breakups suck for both parties, not just the “dumpee.” (I’m not sure that’s even a word, but I’m going to use it hencefore. Sometimes, the only difference between the two is that the one who breaks up with the other simply has more courage to do what’s right.

I mean, come on. You both knew it wasn’t working. It took you a long time to get to this point but they’ve left you no choice.

You break it to them as softly as can. They immediately beg you to stay. In fact, they offer you several possible solutions to the issues you two are having. You’ve tried each of their suggestions at least twelve times now. 13th time’s the charm?

They even offer to go to counseling. That’s new. You almost give in, but you’ve resolved to end things well before this conversation started.

Your friends congratulate you. Tell you that you did the right thing, like cancelling your Netflix account because you could save money and just use your roommate’s. They list all your ex’s negative qualities to make you feel better.

They didn’t deserve you, your friends say.

“Yeah, you’re right,” you respond. But you don’t believe it.

Then, they leave you alone. Never bring it up again.

It’s like when the whole family comforts the widow during the funeral, eats up all the food, and disappears a few days later. They aren’t around when the real grief sets in.

How often do people ask the heartbreaker how they are feeling after the breakup? I’ve never heard of such a thing happening. But it should.

You see, feelings don’t just disappear. Even if you were the one who made the decision to end the relationship, it probably was a hard one. You might not be over it. You may even regret it.

You still think about them, don’t you?

There were good times. Good things about the relationship that you will miss. That’s why it lasted so long in the first place. Why it took you so long to end it.

Why do you think couples end up back together? They fixate on those good times that they end up wanting more. It’s almost irresistible. But you stayed strong.

Fighting temptations. You knew things would only end up the way they were before. In tears.  Nothing would change.

It’s like when the whole family comforts the widow during the funeral, eats up all the food, and disappears a few days later. They aren’t around when the real grief sets in.

Humans are interesting beings. A good novel could get us attached to fictional characters. Did you see the outrage when they killed off Peter Parker in the comics? We can obsess over celebrities we’ll probably never meet. Animals can become our best friends. So, it’s not too much of a stretch to have strong feelings for someone you’ve been intimate with, even if they were a total jerk to you.

It especially hurts like hell when you genuinely want to be friends but they are too upset about the breakup. No, that’s not just a canned break up line. You still really want to have them in your life.

Nonetheless, they don’t even want to talk to you right now. They blocked you on Facebook. They don’t return any of your calls. It kind of feels like you’re the one who did wrong in the relationship.

Can’t they see that it wasn’t working out? You aren’t the bad guy here.

This is how it feels to be a heartbreaker. The irony of the name is, your own heart is broken as well. You miss them but force yourself not to call them. You’re wondering what they are doing right now. You feel some comfort because you know you’ll get over it one day. But it’s not this day.

So, dear reader, next time you speak to a heartbreaker, ask them how they are holding up. They’ll appreciate it. TC Mark

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