For the past five or six years, I have been in and out of toxic and displeasing relationships.
I had the major problem that most identify as “not being able to live without a relationship” but my problem was a lot greater than that. You see, I didn’t think I was worthy of any real happiness, therefore I could never make myself happy and relied on others (poorly) to do so.
But, my word, I am so drained from having to deal with emotionally immature boys who are yet to actually turn into men. I am so fed up with not being treated as I should be and I am so done with boys whose egos are far larger than… well, let me not be crude.
For so long, I was terrified of actually allowing myself to feel pain. So I hopped from one guy to the next, never allowing myself to feel the sting of heartbreak and inevitably never allowing myself to heal properly either.
“The wound is where the light enters you.”
I can’t remember where I came across this quote, but it aroused a sense of purpose within me. It reminded me that my wounds shape me and every awful date and failed relationship has made me who I am… nonetheless, I still need time for my wounds to stitch themselves closed.
Ladies: if you are anything like what I used to be like, stop and take a damn break. Going from one guy to the next is not going to benefit you in any way except drain you and prevent you from finding true love and happiness.
As for my year of intentional singleness? I’m rather excited. I must admit that being single is the happiest I’ve ever been. Who knows what God has in store for me.
I’m eager to find out.