two woman smiling

You Will Always Be My Person

Trigger warning: Depression

When I was lost in darkness, you were my light. At first, it was distant and flickering. Little did I know you would only burn brighter than the stars.

At a time when I tried so desperately to be liked, I had forgotten you. Driven by my fear of reliving my worst and lonely days, I modified myself into what I thought others would approve of. Now I see that there has always been someone who loved me.

At a time when the only people who dared to gaze at me did so with burning hate and judgment in their eyes, you were my solace.

I couldn’t understand it. We could have been day and night. So wildly different, and yet one without the other would result in an unbalanced world. Polar opposites at times, you taught me how to burrow my way out of my depression-soaked covers and participate in society. Although clubbing will never be my cup of my tea, I’ll dance it out with you until tomorrow greets the sleeping world with a gentle kiss.

You are and always have been my person. So many have come and gone, and yes, some have stayed, but you saw me when I wanted to disappear into the shadows; you convinced me to live to see another day.

My passions have always been met with your unconditional support. Through all the boys and girls, you were there to help me cry it out and sometimes laugh it off.

Where would I be without you? Well, I would be nowhere. I wouldn’t exist. I am standing here today because even when I took you for granted, you stayed.

My teenage years were more 13 Reasons Why than Glee. I was the girl who sat in the bathrooms during lunch and the girl everyone talked about. But you found me. You saw me.

And the truth is that there is no one else I would dance it out with. There is no one else I want calming my nerves on my wedding day and no one else I would want my daughter to consider her second mom.

You are my person. And if I could go back in time and live my teen years differently, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t give you up, even if it meant erasing years of emotional trauma. The pain is in the past; I have moved past it. But you? You are here with me now, and that is worth the pain of the past.

Andrea Sachs in training.

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