I Still Have Faith In Us

Joanna Nix / Unsplash

I’m desperately trying to remember that everything happens for a reason: but my heart is breaking so loud that I can’t hear anything past my own sorrow. Everything reminds me of you, now. I’ll have to wash my clothes until I am convinced they no longer smell like you; I have to hide photos of you and try to forget your insane laugh ringing through my ears… but the sad, undeniable truth is that I do not need to look at tangible reminders of you- because you have scored on my heart.

The second I close my eyes I can picture you so clearly that I’ll be able to state the exact mixture of hazel your eyes are. If I stop for even a second, I can feel your skin against mine. Happy memories bring tears to my eyes- everything about you makes my heart hurt. My heart hurts so much that it makes my body ache.

I trace my fingers over your handwritten letters and try to prevent droplets from washing the ink away… “How did this happen?” How did we go from being inseparable to being worlds away from each other? How did I go from waking up smiling to not being able to go a night without crying my heart out?

I know it may not be the most plausible plan: but I am still holding out hope for us. How can I not? Am I expected to forget the quickened heart beats whenever you bent down to kiss me? How can I erase slow dances with me standing on your feet? Could I ever forget the way we looked at each other- as if there was no one else in the world besides us?

I refuse to lose faith in us.

No matter how many agonizing minutes we may spend a part; no matter how many torturous seconds I spend wondering if you are thinking of me- I will not give up on us.

Love isn’t always easy: it’s a decision. And you know what? No matter how much my heart may break, no matter how many rough seas I may have to battle… I choose you.

A million times over, I will always choose you. TC mark

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