How To Love A Protector

Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

Falling in love happens often, but when you fall in love with a “Protector”- it is ten times harder.

What is a Protector? A Protector is a guy who is ultimately his inner circle’s lifeboat. He is perceived as “one of the strongest guys I know” and cares deeply about the ones he loves. If you are a friend to a Protector: you are extremely lucky, he will never fail you and will catch you when you stumble. 

But the line between friendship and love can feel like a canyon when it comes to falling for a Protector.

He may be strong, but it is because he has experienced a world of pain. His heart has a never-ending tally: a tally of all the girls who have broken his heart. He has his self-destructiveness; he values nothing about himself because he blames himself for every horrible thing’s other experience. His past trauma is still a tornado in his heart and he feels he does not deserve happiness. So, he throws himself into taking care of the ones he loves- instead of loving himself. All while, remaining completely oblivious for all the millions of reasons why he is lovable.

You need to be patient with him, he may not open up immediately and you need to go at his pace. He has been hurt before, many times before, and he is not eager to get hurt again. He needs to know he can trust you with his heart and that you will not leave him. He needs to be able to let his guard down with you, his role in many lives is to be the lifeboat and to be everyone’s rock: he needs a break from being strong, you need to be his safe space where someone else can hold him tight and carry him through his pain. You need to help him through his trauma and show him why he deserves to be loved. 

It will not be easy, a Protector is used to his role- he is used to being the carer and will not give it up easy. Fight with him on it; remind him that you are a team and that as much as he takes care of you, you need to take care of him too. Although, he will be stubborn: you need to be even more stubborn.

Above all else: remember that it is the ones who are harder to get that are the ones that stay forever. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Andrea Sachs in training.

Keep up with Dakota on Instagram and Twitter

More From Thought Catalog