Why I’m Grateful To Have Been In 3 Emotionally Abusive Relationships

Woman with beachy wavy hair sitting on the stairs
Andrew Worley / Unsplash

You may look at me and see an ignorant and naive girl. You see a girl who, like the earth, orbits around her sun. You see a girl obsessed with the idea of love, a girl who cannot live without the constant “I love you” and “you’re so beautiful.”

But you never thought to realize: that you only ever saw what I wanted you to see.

You thought I let you break me down and abuse me? That I had no will to stand while you shattered me with your manipulation? You see, you were wrong. You were always wrong.

Because I picked you. I picked all three of you: I knew you would abuse me and I needed you to. I knew that I was too damaged and filled with self loathing to be in a happy relationship. I knew that I would blow up, my self-destruction bouncing off walls. No I couldn’t do that to myself; I couldn’t do that to her. The one. The girl who loves me and goes any length for me and treated me with respect. No I couldn’t do that to her, not to our relationship.

So I did what I had to, I let you break me down. One after the other. Until one day, I hit rock bottom and I knew what I deserved. I now know what I can handle, I know I am stronger than I ever thought, and I actually believe I deserved happiness.

So I walked away with my head up. Walked straight towards Her. You made the mistake of underestimating me…when I had you in checkmate the second you stepped on the board. Darling, did mommy ever teach you how to play the game? You can’t play pawns against a whole team of queens. TC mark

Andrea Sachs in training.

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