Thank You For Finally Letting Me Go

You said it would last forever. You said you would always love me. You said that no matter what, you would always be there for me. I don’t know about you, but I think that “no matter what” means that even in the event of us not working out, you would still care, or at least say hi when we’d meet on the street. Instead, first I was pushed away, and then pulled back in. I thought you wanted us to remain friends, acquaintances even. So I let myself be pulled back into your world only to be let down again and again. You kept calling and asking for help, and you kept lying and making empty promises.

And I kept forgiving you because unlike you, I meant it when I said: “no matter what.”

From all the things I don’t know, there is one I do know for sure, and that’s that if someone loves you, they help you keep going forward, they don’t keep dragging you around in an endless circle of pain. I saw my life freezing, not moving forward, and that’s when I knew I had to let you go. And when I did so, when I put myself first for once, I was called names, I was told to forget you existed just like you’d forget I existed. And that hurt me, deeply. But I did what you asked anyway… I moved on without you in my life. And to tell you the truth, I’m glad we’re over. I learned to live a life you’re not a part of, I learned to stop calling, to stop asking about you, to stop needing you. I learned that I could be whole again, even without you.

And that’s the best thing I could have ever done.

So, thank you! Thank you for allowing me to grow, to meet new people, to fall in love again. To recognize true love when I see it and appreciate it. For teaching me that those we think love us the most, can hurt us the worst. Thank you for finally letting me go, cause only then I was able to fall in love with myself.

I hope you are well, though. I hope you found someone that cares about you as much as I did. I hope you’re happy and I hope you don’t have any regrets.

And if you ever catch yourself thinking about me, I hope you smile and be glad we’re over too.

Sometimes a scientist, always a writer.

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