I Think I Threw My Life Away With This Marriage

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I’m 23. She’s 24. We got married after knowing each other exactly 8 months. And for those 8 months, everything moved fast. I didn’t care, though. I thought we were perfect. We clicked in so many different ways — our humor, our interests, the sex, the passion…I thought I had found the woman of my dreams. And she believed that we were perfect too.

We moved into an apartment together right after we got married — my parents paid for 3 months of rent for us and now I’m working retail to help pay the rent. She just graduated from college and is working two jobs to help out too.

I thought marriage was going to be amazing. I thought I was going to be in love with her forever. I fell in love with her intelligence and personality. She’s a great person to hang out with and talk to. But I’ve been feeling trapped lately. We’ve been married three months and now, I feel depressed. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, right?

I find that it’s becoming harder and harder to talk to her and I think my feelings about the marriage have all to do with it. I don’t know where I should turn. Our parents were nothing but happy and proud of us when we tied the knot.

I feel disgust and hate toward myself and I can’t meet her in the eyes anymore. She asks me what’s wrong every day, and all I want is for her to go away. I don’t know how it got to this point — I thought I was happy. I thought this was what I wanted. I felt so happy talking about our future together. I wake up every day next to someone that I’m falling out of love with and feel nothing but guilt.

It feels like this has consumed my life. It’s all I do. I think about how unhappy I am in this marriage. I feel suffocated. I feel like she deserves someone better than me. She has the maturity to know what she wants. I thought marrying her was what I wanted, but I’m beginning to see that it’s not.

How can I approach her about this? Do I go see a therapist? I want to talk about this with her, but I know it will only break her heart. I never thought I’d find myself in this position. I truly did love her. And I’m sorry, terribly sorry that I feel this way today. TC mark

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