This is what it has come to.
Instead of men taking responsibility for their choice to cheat—because it is absolutely a choice—they’d rather place the blame on the woman. And, many times, as women, when we get cheated on, we blame ourselves.
Maybe we aren’t pretty enough. Maybe we need to lose weight. Maybe we should have stepped out of our comfort zone in the bedroom. Maybe if we complained a little less they wouldn’t have cheated.
Listen, you can be the best woman a man has ever had, and if he wants to cheat, he will cheat. Period. His choice to cheat has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. You cannot feed him enough, sex him enough, or cater to him enough to get him to “act right.” It’s a choice he has to make on his own.
And, until he makes that choice, you are not obligated to stay until he figures it out. Too many women believe they have the ability to change a man. You don’t, and you never will. You don’t have the power to change anyone but yourself. Changing is an individual choice, and while external motivation can help someone decide to change, it is an internal job. As amazing as you are, that alone will not get him to change. He has to want it for himself, and until he does, he’ll continue to do what he’s always done.
So many are quick to praise the ride or die woman. Women like Keyshia Ka’oir and just about every other woman on reality TV today. Women who deal with being cheated on, lied to, used, abused, and everything in between.
Those should not be #relationshipgoals. That kind of unhealthy behavior should not be glorified. Women who choose to stay in unhealthy relationships for years in hopes that they’ll become someone’s wife don’t know their worth. They don’t value themselves, so why would they ever demand that someone else value them? This is why it’s so important to have a relationship with yourself. That is real #relationshipgoals. Until you learn to love yourself completely, you’ll continue to settle for less than you deserve because you have yet to figure out what you deserve.
The way you love yourself is the blueprint for how others will love you. You do not have to take everything a man throws at you simply because you want love, a ring, or a title. There is someone who will love you as you are and who will respect you enough to never put you in a situation where you feel disrespected. But, the only way you get that kind of love is by knowing your worth and not settling for anything less than what you deserve.
We are all growing and evolving, and I am in no way saying that you shouldn’t be patient with someone who is genuinely trying to make a change for the better. However, what I am saying is figuring out who they are and growing into the person they need to be should not be done at your expense. It should not leave you hurt, broken, and damaged. It is not an excuse for them to behave in ways that are not conducive to a relationship. Love is not about who is able to take the most pain, and at the end of it all, a marriage is not a consolation prize for years of emotional turmoil.
As women, we must demand more from the people we choose to become involved with. At some point, we forgot we were and always have been the prize. The right person will see that and will do everything to get you and keep you. Until they arrive, stop settling for anything just to say you have someone.