It’s Not You It’s Me: Why Millennials Are Failing At Relationships

Twenty20 / williekessel
Twenty20 / williekessel

We’ve all heard it before. Relationship advice tends to all sound the same after awhile. They tell us a happy and successful relationship with another person thrives on honesty, trust, communication, and love for one another. Sure that sounds about right. Putting your partner before you and cultivating to their needs and to whatever it takes to keep each other happy and compatible. Yet us millennials continue to fall hard on our faces when it comes to love.

We continue to search for happiness within others and watch ourselves get disappointed every single time. We fail to see the true meaning of love. Where did it even come from and what does that four letter word really represent? I can tell you. Because once upon a time I let go of what I thought was the rest of my life, in exchange for the journey to find the most alluring love of them all. Self Love.

Because that is what our generation fails to remember. We were deceived by our past generations and todays culture to think that true love is when you feel intense feelings of affection and attachment towards another person. You can run around in circles like a dog chasing its tail following that mantra, putting in efforts into making a relationship work, or believing that another person is the reason for your happiness.

A relationship is not a short cut to happiness. In all honesty, all of us are out there looking for the same thing. Love and happiness. Plain and simple.

While the meaning of love and happiness may look different from one individual to another, one thing that each and every one of us cannot do no matter how hard we try is find love and happiness within another human being.

Love really begins and thrives in a place thats all too familiar yet dubious at the same time. It all starts with you! In order to find love and to truly radiate it towards other people in enough abundance that it cultivates a thriving relationship, you must realize that loving yourself and focusing on you is the sole requirement that you need in order to establish a true connection with someone else. Thats where millennials nowadays are at fault.

Before we even learn how to be content and happy with ourselves, we quickly give that responsibility to someone else, completely unaware that we are already creating a toxic environment. How can you expect someone to be truly happy with you when you still haven’t learned to find that same kind of happiness and wholeness within yourself? It’s impossible! You’ll end up blaming your partner or blaming your hopeless romantic side that you’ve carried with you since high school for your feelings and why things didn’t work out.

One thing I’ve learned these past few months that has changed my life dramatically is your mind is a very powerful asset. Everything going on around you is beyond your control. People will always do what they please and anything can happen to anyone. Sometimes even our own thoughts are involuntary and can influence us just as much as the objective things that are happening around us. The only thing we do have control over is our perspective and whether it will be a positive or a negative one.

Our emotions are based solely on how we choose to react to things, not on other people and what they do.

That is what helped me realize that the most important component in this life is yourself and your well being, because in the end, regardless of what you do or how you choose to interpret this message, you have to love yourself and be content with yourself as an individual before you can give anyone else the permission to do the same for you.

In my experience, forcing yourself to be compatible and focusing on pleasing another person in hopes of maintaining a relationship never really works out. I get it. We are human and humans were made to be connected and to love. We are naturally inclined to be intimate and crave physical and emotional contact with others, which is why we constantly find ourselves trying to make connections with those we find interest in. Instead of focusing your energy on making a relationship work, harvest your energy on your mental health and well being. Remember it all starts with you. Being committed to making constant efforts on being the best version of yourself will attract the energy that will lead you to find what everyone is looking for and trying to share in this life. Love. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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