Anyone can relate to the struggles of letting go of something or someone. It is the human condition to become too attached to things or people. Regardless if these things are causing us more harm than good, we often meet resistance when we know it is time to depart. Why is that? Why do people avoid letting go of a relationship that has gone way past its expiration date? Why do we refuse to drop kick bad habits like promiscuous sex, drug use, or binge drinking? Breaking habit and learning new ones is terrifying to us. We were created to love so deeply and passionately that when a love for something or someone fails us, it digs into us so deeply, causing such anguish, it hazes our ability to make a healthy change by letting go. You are not weak because you ‘gave up’. You are not judged for your attendance in AA. Seeking a better life when your heart has been let down by love or addiction deserves recognition from the only person that matters. Yourself. Here are 4 reasons why letting go is so tough on the soul.
1. We cling on to what used to be.
When something or someone used to be the center of your life or what felt like the reason for your existence, letting that go can be devastating. Although you have realized that what once made you happy isn’t there anymore, you do everything in your power to defend your denial. You fear that letting go of your addiction will bring you sorrow. The feelings of euphoria it gave you will vanish forever. Love as you thought you knew it will never come again. That feeling you thought was true love that made life worthy and amazing will disappear. For those reasons you hold on to something you know is not for you. Fear of losing those memories when you were once happy scares you. You know it is toxic yet nostalgia holds you back from letting it go and opening up for something you know you deserve.
2. We are trying to fill an emptiness within.
Understanding the importance of self love is crucial for you to be able to know when it is time to let go and move on. When we lack this attribute, we lean into our insecurities and they take the wheel. No one can make you whole. There is no one on this planet that can define you and make you the person you are meant to be. Those tasks are assigned solely to you and searching for someone or something else to do that for you is unhealthy. Investing in the relationship you have with yourself is what will fill that emptiness. Take time regularly to make a connection with yourself and do good to your mind, body, and soul. Therefore when that person who truly deserves all of you comes along, you have filled that emptiness with who you really are and can love the way you were meant to love and be loved the way you know you deserve to be loved.
3. We are afraid of the future.
When you are in a serious and intricate relationship that is not making you happy, letting go and facing what is to come can be intimidating. You no longer have an outline for your future. Where you thought your life would be is now a mystery now that you’ve let go of your baggage. You may have convinced yourself that your happiness solely relies on this person or this addiction and letting that go would feel like letting yourself go. You may be relying on physical, emotional, or even financial security from them and wiping that comfort zone out completely seems too risky. Stop letting fear take hold of your life! Don’t let insecurity be the reason you aren’t loving the way you were meant to or being loved the way you deserve to be loved. Life is about taking risks and learning along the way. View life as a road to unlimited possibilities. Every road you take is a lesson learned. Every love you fall into is a chance to learn something. There is no such thing as time wasted when something didn’t work out. When you view life in that perspective, you will be able to see the beauty of life and all it has to offer.
4. We aren’t loving ourselves enough.
It is the same as learning to fill your emptiness with your own presence and love. In order to do that you must love who you are. Nobody can ever truly love you if you haven’t learned to love yourself. It is not an act of selfishness when you put yourself first. I think that symbolizes strength and self respect in an individual. Your body and your mind are the only thing that truly belongs to you. See the hidden treasures you have to offer. Treat yourself the way you would treat the person you yearn to fall madly in love with. Embellish it! Without that mindset you will continue to wander life in search of love, just to be disappointed again and again while trying to fill your emptiness with the wrong filler. It is not about finding the person who completes you. It is not about using addiction and obsession to fill that spot where self love should be. When you truly love yourself, true love will sense your energy and it will come to you.
Letting go is not failure. It is not to be misinterpreted as giving up. These kinds of trials will come up in life more than once and it is up to you to make the right choices. In all honesty, you will always know what that choice is. We have been blessed with that instinct that sits in the back of your mind called intuition. Yet insecurities, addiction, depression, fear and many other emotional obstacles distort our vision. In order to part from your unhealthy habits and relationships, you need to accept that there will be pain. You will suffer and you might even fail. You will feel the sting of uncertainty and doubt towards your decisions. Regardless of all the negativity letting go may bring, always remember that it will pass. Whatever it is on the other side waiting for you will be better and it will be worth your love.