Eventually, We All Will Heal

Kristopher Roller

When I say I put boundaries, and i follow your ascension into them, I mean – I let you in, I tell you what’s wrong, and I wait you to step back when you hurt. When I say – You hurt me – I expect you to stop and look at your feet: your shoes have blood from my opened scars. So, step back until you’re out of my pain. Take a deep breath, and think whether you need to be back into this world of mine.

When I let people I love in, I trust them. I know I have been carrying a heavy load of encounters that hurt in the past, and I would always have reasons not to trust. But I will try to make my heart as much available as I can afford. I know you too had experiences. And if we’re bonded by something special, and if that bond grows, I will stay open to us. But I will also watch. 

When I raise boundaries, I don’t mean to stonewall you or make you do something for me that you don’t want to do. When I raise boundaries, I do not try to blackmail you. That is my non-verbal communication that something is wrong. And I will try to communicate it verbally too.

I will talk to you. As long as our bond matters, I will be open to conversate. You will be able to count on me and I will expect to be able to count on you, as long as we both care to bond.

But if you proceed into my scars, my pain, my discomfort with your shoes, full of blood, and you still don’t (or don’t want to) notice, and count to take it all for granted, and avoid establishing normal communication, I will have to cut you away. I will cut you away together with the boundaries that you crossed, together with the heart that cares for you, together with part of my mind that wants you. I will not compromise at this point with anything.

It will hurt.

I will bleed.

But eventually, we all heal. Wounds go into scars. Some bits of me will grow back, others will not. I will learn how to live without those. My boundaries will now surround a smaller part of me, but that land will be watched more vigilant. The side of my fortress where you penetrated will have stronger walls.

Boundaries may grow. And we may grow together with them, learning the truth about this land within. This land within ourselves.

Building boundaries day-to- day, with people we love is difficult. Yet most rewarding. Because there is nothing more beautiful than being loved by someone who respects all of you. And if you don’t, leave. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Cristina Hiraeth is a linguist by education, storyteller by passion and lindy hopper by spirit.

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