To The Other Woman In His Life: Thank You For Becoming My Best Friend

Damian Borja
Damian Borja

Maybe just because the Earth is round, we all find ourselves trapped once in a while in a love triangle, where you and I, we are just two women, loving one man. The triangle where the man, even a minority, is not feeling trapped. It is you and I, put to fight a battle that we didn’t sign up for. We signed up for love, not for this battle, remember?

When I met him, you have already been there. I hardly knew you then. When I came in I didn’t think of that scenario. Things are not always as we think they are, right?

You know, I believe in the energy of love. I believe that love can be healing. If love hurts, if love puts you down, there is too much infatuation there. This is why we call it falling. Falling in love, falling on that wet strip of sand, where we all build castles and towers, it gives us the impression of being powerful. And when the upcoming waves swallow them in an instant, we are left there to wander. Lonely and hurt. That’s not love, after all. This wandering is infatuation, immature, insecure, unstable.

We are all so scared to let go of infatuation, and let love come instead. You know why? We survive infatuation with a few scratches; love operates differently. Love needs time and space, actually lots of time and space. It would multiply as bacteria, and then would run throughout us, travelling as far as the veins would take it, to all kind of places within us.

Love, true love, shall camp and make fire with our insecurities, will burn our confidence, will intensify the pain of previous losses and will make us grow. Painfully, slowly, certainly. It will use your inner energy as wood to make the fire and will keep you warm. Love shall turn us into strong, step by step.

Love changes you once and forever. Once you get to know its powers, its possibilities, its force, you shall never let infatuation come and camp within your land ever again. It shouldn’t make us compromise with ourselves; it isn’t made to cause us suffering; it is not supposed to cross us or divide into camps. It is a genuine emotion that brings us closer to who we really are, closer to our genesis.

The day when this love brought us together was the day of liberation, even though we were thought to be in opposite camps. Do you remember that day when I addressed you my question, standing there, before you, vulnerable and open to friendship hug or a slap on my face?

I let those scars from the past, like tattoos, become part of your inner map, when they took me towards you. They showed me newly paved roads and paths towards camps that were made within you. Camps that have been built, maintained, cleaned up. Camps that left ashes and burnt your wild heart, softening it, hardening it, challenging it.

I have always known that some lessons are meant to beat hard. Some experiences are meant to change the colour of our hair or the smells of your autumns. But here we are again, walking until our feet got sore, and our hearts asked to be cleaned. The sun is again burning our shoulders, the rain gets us soaked wet, the salt messed up with our hair. But we, did we stay the same?

Do you know how I knew you were full of love and not infatuated?

You gave me your hand. You were not ready to hug me yet, but you approached me and smiled. Love connects all the dots in the end.

I didn’t choose to be the other woman, we never choose that. However there is a reason I have stepped into that heart of his – a desert where no flowers were growing, where winds were washing us with dry, hot sand. I had to take that hand you gave me, so that we walk out of it. Together.

Love empowers us and teaches us a valuable lesson. Love doens’t have anything to do with the object of desire, love is part of ourselves. Thus, in the end we did not shared our love for a man. We joint our love into something inexplicably bigger. We might have swept into nothingness, should we have addressed that energy not by love but by infatuation. But we addressed it with love.

This lovers’ day that they celebrate in couples, we now celebrate liberated.  

And today, you are not alone. Today, there are two of us, sharing energies that a universe can easily handle.

Thank you for that hand.

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Cristina Hiraeth is a linguist by education, storyteller by passion and lindy hopper by spirit. Read more articles from Cristina on Thought Catalog.