What It’s Like To Come Out As Bi

Twenty20 / cindyrohrer
Twenty20 / cindyrohrer

I hate to start paragraphs with “We live in a society that…”, but sometimes it’s necessary to do things you hate to do in order to get your point across; like punching people in the face, I hate doing it, but I have to when they are being stupid. To get my point across, y’know.

So here I go:

We live in a society that strives to put everyone in one of their confining binary boxes: you’re either gay or you’re straight. You can’t be anywhere in the middle of the spectrum because you’re “just confused,” or “you’re on your way to gay,” or “you’re just experimenting.” For some, that’s the case. It’s not uncommon for some people to first identify as bisexual, and then further down the road realize that they’re only attracted to people of the same sex. Or otherwise realize that it’s not their thing and go back to dating exclusively the opposite gender. But just because it happens, doesn’t mean that it’s happened to me. I’ve figured it out: I like men and women.

It is hard for people to accept that you can, in fact, be attracted to both genders, and even develop a romantic relationship with either. As I have.

Coming out never really comes up naturally in conversation. Some people feel entitled to know that part of you, and that somehow you owe it to them to volunteer that kind of information about yourself. “Oh, you never told me you were also into girls”… because I never had to.

Coming out is scary. It scares me to be judged, ridiculed or not taken seriously. People tend to devalue the coming out process for bisexuals because they think it isn’t as hard as it is for homosexuals, but it is. I won’t say it’s harder, because I’ve never been through the process of the latter, but I will say that people tend to think you’re just looking for attention and you don’t really mean it. Although I do like being different, I’m not dating my girlfriend just to get the looks when we walk down the street holding hands.

To be completely honest, I’m guilty of doing a couple things myself that I’m not proud of:

1. I’m guilty of telling my parents “I might be going through a phase, I don’t know, I’m not sure” when coming out, because I was so scared of disappointing them. My mom was crying and my dad was angry. I just wanted them to relax and realize it’s not too big of a deal. I’m dating a girl, I’m not a drug-addict, a felon or an alcoholic. I’m not hurting anyone. I’m just making myself happy.

2. I’m guilty of telling some guys that I’m a lesbian. Why? Because they take it as a challenge when you tell them you’re bisexual and in a happy relationship. They think that they have a chance with you, and that if they try hard enough, you’ll eventually break and hook up with them.

I am not ashamed of who I am; I am a VERY proud bisexual. I love being part of the LGBTQ-L-M-N-O-P (jk) community, and I feel like we all should be proud of being part of something bigger. I’ve always been very true to myself, I’ve always been a genuine person, and I’ve always stood up for what makes me unique.

I’m not looking for you to applaud my courage for coming out as bisexual, I’m not after any credit or praise, I’m just trying to make everyone understand that it’s difficult. It’s not easy. So if I open up to you about my sexuality, take it seriously. I might look like I’m saying it nonchalantly on the outside, but on the inside I’m afraid you will judge me, think differently of me, or request a threesome with my girlfriend and I.

Because every bisexual girl’s worst nightmare is a guy that says “can I at least watch?”

And then, my friend, I will have to do what I hate to do in order to get my point across… punch you in the face.

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