Modern Dating Is No Fun For Men, Either

Flickr / Raphaël Labbé
Flickr / Raphaël Labbé

I recently read an article on this website by Melissa Moeller called “Why Modern Dating Makes Me Want To Punch Myself In The Throat” that talked about dating nowadays. She brilliantly expressed how people, mainly women, that try to be open about their feelings, get called “needy”, “clingy”, “eager”, “bitchy” and so on… But guess what? Men get that treatment too…

Let’s start by describing a situation: You’ve got an average guy, 27 years old, a few pounds over, who is trying to get into this dating scene (’cause of course, he dated his ex for about 4 years, didn’t work, and when it finally ended, both of them needed to get back in this scene). First thing you get, from your own gender, is “you should get ripped”, “gains, man” and a whole other bunch of criticism over the personal appearance that you start out with a disadvantage. Now, mind you, this guy is not your obese fatty that wants nothing but a dream. This is an average guy, with an average job, and an average routine. He’s just not that fit and probably has a bit of a beer belly. So he’s getting pounded by his own gender ’cause he’s “average.” Not only that, but this guy has female friends that say to him how they would love to date, or bed, doesn’t matter, a Cristiano Ronaldo, or a David Beckham, or a Brad Pitt, or whomever you want to picture as your “perfect male.” So, in his mind, he’s already a chubby, lazy, not-perfect-looking man that is already losing ground to some other male competitors. Because, yes, unfortunately, it is a competition.

Now, given the fact that he’s overcome this self-image that is being reminded too him by every ad and male counterparts, he asks a woman on a date. They go out, have fun, she’s hilarious, he’s a blast, they click. Night comes to an end, and here comes the first doubt: Did the night go well enough to go on a second date? For his mind, they had a blast, so it probably should be considered… But he can’t say too much, cause he might show too much interest (his male colleagues said that much, besides criticizing him)… She invites him in, and they have a “hang out sex.”

And here comes the second problem. He really liked her and wants to go out on a second date. But texting her the next day may sound too needy. So how long does he wait? Two days? Three days? Anxiety is setting in, because there’s no way to know for sure if she liked him, though it seemed she was having fun. I mean, they ended up in bed, right? How meaningful was that for her? Was it good? Did his performance satisfy her? Was his size up to her expectations? (Yes, size does matter for men too, and we bully each other in the locker room when growing up, part of learning to be a jackass.) Men also go through the same process women do. We feel anxious, stressed, insecure, angry, and all those related feelings. But guess what? Since we’re taught since birth to “be strong,” “not show feelings,” and so on, we have to swallow all that up and just keep going like nothing happened. And not only that, but it seems like the number of jackasses, both men and women, is ever increasing with each passing moment. People are being more and more cynical about themselves, not being true to their feelings, and not having respect for one another. And we’re the ones losing ground, the people that want something real.

So we reach a point where having a true relationship is as difficult as winning the lottery. But there’s a solution to all this: honesty and respect. If people just started being honest again, not hiding, not playing games, the number of happy couples would go up, and it would be so, SO much easier to find a person willing to walk a similar path to you, that maybe, just maybe, we would stop this stupid war of the sexes and who has control over who…

So I agree with Ms. Moeller: Let’s all stop being little fucks. Respect should always come first whenever we are relating to another person, and it might help us to build a better world for ourselves and our future kids. TC mark

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