9 Delightful Insults That Prove You’re Never Too Old For Childish Namecalling

That 70's Show
That 70’s Show

You guys, I am all about “dinkus.”

It’s such a criminally underused insult. And there are so many like it, fun little jabs based in sophomoric sport that would be best wielded with a PlayStation load screen in the background. You know, the shit you used to say as a kid.

Like, what better word to describe someone who isn’t living up to your expectations than “scumbag?” What is someone who just can’t hang, other than a “dweeb?” Who could be more douchey than a “douchelord?”

No one, sir. For a douchelord is the king of all the douches, it is he alone who shall be sentenced forever to the douche kingdom.

See? It’s got a regal edge to it that the lame “douchebag” straight up lacks.

While we’re talking about royalty, let’s get into one of the best pejoratives of all time: “plebeian.” AKA plebe. “Plebe” is currently experiencing a renaissance and I wholly support it — why let the feudal society assholes who popularized the word have more fun than us?

Finally, I would like to nominate two more terms for adoption into your colorful vocabulary: peesh and shween. Per a column written by a friend of mine, “‘peesh’ is the vernacular term to describe a nice person with nothing to talk about. . .they are also known as a ‘shween’ once across the Pennsylvanian border.”

Leave it to Pennyslvania to make an already hick-sounding thing go even more country, but there you have it. For the sake of your vocabulary, here’s a recap of the best underused insults we’ve been over.

*P90X voice* And maybe some extra:

Dinkus

Asshat

Douchelord

Dweeb

Noob

Scumbag

Plebe

Peesh

Shween

The end. That’s it. That is all this dumb post was about. I am a complete and total asshat. A happy second adolescence to all, and to all a colorful group text. TC mark

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