1. Every guy assumes that you want a relationship.
No one can believe that you just want to have fun and be single. They’ll say things like “oh, that will change real quick” or “right, but what if a guy reallllly wanted to date you?”
2. Every other guy assumes you’re just down to hook up.
The stranger thing is that people think ‘not wanting commitment’ is code for ‘just wanting to fuck all the time.’ Depending on the person, it can mean the complete opposite. It’s damaging that everyone assumes not wanting to be in a seriously committed relationship means you’re going through a weird hook up phase.
3. Some hook ups go 0 to 100, real quick. And so do dates.
When you do actually hook up or go on dates, it feels like some a great or average, while others turn into a full on Spanish Inquisition about what you want, when you want it, and whether or not it is okay, or weird, or any number of things that you didn’t think were going to come up A) in the middle of having your tongue in someone’s mouth or B) in the middle of your first meal with a cute stranger.
4. Social interactions are taken for flirting, when you thought they were fun conversations.
When you do start seeing someone casually, they might start to get jealous because they think anyone you talk to is a potential love interest. Those people might think so too, just because they know it’s ‘not serious,’ and it makes everything five times harder.
5. There’s no real ‘casual dating’ scene.
It’s hooking up or a relationship. Few people understand the in-between, and even when they do, they label it as ‘talking’ or ask “where is it going?” every other week, even though you feel like you don’t need to keep tabs on your status at all times.
6. Your friends try to set you up.
Your friends feel like you’re going to end up a spinster or a slut if you keep just dating people and seeing where it goes; it’s harsh, but it’s true to how people end up treating you. They try to ‘introduce you to’ their boyfriend’s friends and act like it’s not a set up, even though it just makes the whole interaction very uncomfortable and strained.
7. Your friends get weird if you talk about seeing someone you don’t want a relationship with.
Whenever your friends talk about their significant others, they expect you to offer up information about a person you’re really into, and then if you finally do, they assume that it means more than it really does. “So you like him then, right? Like you actually like him?” Yes, you think, but you don’t want this to mean that they can start trying to bring him around all the time and test whether or not he’s “boyfriend material.” You want to judge that for yourself.
8. People expect your reasons for not wanting a relationship to be super dark.
(500) Days of Summer really fucked it up for the rest of us, huh? Whenever you say you don’t want a relationship, the next connection made is, “oh, so you don’t believe in relationships then?” It’s as ridiculous as if you said you didn’t want a sandwich and then people said, “oh, so you just don’t believe in lunch?”
9. Everyone projects their opinions about life, love, and the pursuit of a long-term relationship onto you.
All of the sudden, you’ve become the litmus test for a person’s most deep-seeded beliefs, fears, and questions about relationships. They confess weird things to you, or ask you “what happened?” to make you feel the way you do.
10. Everyone asks you what you think of marriage, as if your openness about not wanting to be committed now makes you an open book.
Why is it that your lack of desire for commitment now somehow labels you a public speaker on the oldest form of monogamy? Couldn’t it be that you just aren’t ready at the moment? No, it has to be that you just hate all forms of relationships forever. Because that’s logic.
11. Guys think that you’re just ‘trying to play it cool.’
It’s the same thing as assuming you aren’t serious about not wanting a relationship, with an added zesty punch of, “you think you’re soooooo coooool and unique, don’t you?” Yes, the only reason you don’t want to be with someone right now is because you just can’t get strict enough to go vegan. Totally.
12. People take your preferences as a challenge to their own lifestyle.
It’s not that you don’t believe in relationships, or even monogamy. You just don’t want one for yourself. Kind of like how some people love EDM. You see why they want that in their lives, but you don’t want to wear neon and go have your face melted off. But just like passionate fans are wont to do, some people who are in relationships take your decision as an insult to them. And it gets weird. Especially if they’re drunk.
13. People assume that you have ‘daddy issues’ or other ‘problems.’
You must be damaged in some way if you don’t want exactly what everyone expects you to want.
14. Your friends ask really cryptic questions, like, “do you even believe in love?!”
Yes, no, maybe, and finally, it just doesn’t matter. Do you believe in non-intrusive party conversation?
15. The people you date who you tell up front take it personally.
Some people are great about it and appreciate your honesty, others just think that you’re a ‘crazy bitch’ who’s lying to them, and some actually tell you things like, “oh, glad I see your true colors now. Have fun with that. You’re not good enough for me anyway.” Wait, what?
16. Your parents ask why you’re still single.
You can’t just give a flippant, “because I want to be!” because you aren’t eighteen anymore, but you also don’t want to be dishonest and blame it on “not being able to find the right person,” because that’s not it either. So you find a happy, white lie-ish medium, like, “I’m just so busy with work right now….”
17. Meeting people out on the weekends seems oddly goal-oriented.
Sometimes you feel like everyone around you is looking for something, whether it’s a hook up or a relationship, while you’re just trying to drink a beer and eat a pizza without having to explain yourself.
18. People don’t think you can have opposite gender best friends.
You have some guy best friends and some girl best friends. Depending on your sexual preferences, you might want to sleep with some of your friends of the opposite, sure, but not all of them, and maybe even not any. But as a free agent, it’s just assumed that everyone is a possibility, and you’re constantly saying, “no, we’re not dating. Or hooking up. Yeah, we’re just friends,” even though it’s really no one’s business.
19. You get tired of trying to decide what you want all the time, so sometimes you just want to quit dating altogether.
“Why even try half the time?” you think as you walk home after another argument over why you don’t want to get serious. Then you remember that one day, it won’t be an endless power struggle, but that day feels like it’s years (and some leap years for good measure) away.
20. Dating apps make it even harder to figure out who might be in the same casual stage as you are.
You were talking to someone on Tinder for two days about pizza, and then you gave them your number, and then you got a dick pic. Does ‘not wanting to be serious’ and ‘liking pepperoni’ say “I want dick pics?” Apparently.
21. People assume you’ll never want a relationship.
Now doesn’t mean forever. It’s just where you’re at, and you’re honest about it. And the biggest obstacle of all is making the switch to really, honestly wanting a committed relationship. But When you do, it’ll be your obstacle to get over– and no one else’s.