1. Bad kissing that refuses to quit. Guys. Please stop aggressively biting, licking, and forcefully pushing your faces into our mouths. We get that you’re into it, but is all of this necessary? Kiss lightly and carry a big stick.
2. Spitting in general. There’s definitely a time and place for spitting. I personally feel that it needs to be asked for, but I have friends who feel that it can happen organically. Either way, please do not spit on my boobs or face or really anything unless it feels incredibly appropriate. Do not Miyagi. This is not a wax on, wax off scenario.
3. Chronic, every two minute position switchers. We’re fine where we are. Who are you trying to impress? If you’re trying to switch it up every 30 seconds, please chill.
4. One position wonders. At the same time, please do not keep trying to get behind me at every opportunity to move. I get that’s where you want to end up. Let’s get there first, okay?
5. Boob massaging, sucking, and mushing of any kind. Are you a mammogram machine? No? Okay, then stop examining my boobs with your hands and mouth. It feels like you are searching for lumps. Just do deliberate things to the nipples. That’s it. That is all we need. We have gynos to do the rest.