I wish I knew you. I wish I knew the both of you before it crashed down upon you. You wouldn’t have to know me, I just wish to know you from third person, an anonymous, blind observer. Through a rosy window I would get to know you, why he loved you. But of upmost importance, I would get to know him.
I would get to see him smile without second guessing my intentions. I would get to see him laugh without something holding him back. I would get to see those deep blue eyes without scaling his ever abundant walls, built higher as time passed. I would get to see his time, his investment into someone, so untamed and untarnished.
But now, I see those same blue eyes, but with walls erected and fortified. I see those same blue eyes, surrounded with small wrinkles, the ones from laughing until you cry; but now those wrinkles are weathered away, not having seen a genuine laugh in utterly too long. I see those same blue eyes, but now they’re jaded, second guessing the smile, the beaming emotion they once held.
I see past those jaded blue eyes. There’ll be a certain moment of the day, us entwined on a lazy Sunday afternoon, morning breath and matted hair, a moment where I see a tiny glimpse of the once unguarded blue eyes.
One day, I know I will see a longer stent of the pure you, but until then, know that I live for those moments. I live for the moments when our eyes meet, we lock gazes until one of us looks away, when I see that person you once were.
I envy her, the one who hurt you so badly, before you were jaded, before you were broken. I can’t promise that I will fix you, I just promise to hold each of your pieces close to my own. This way, maybe our pieces will become an amalgam, we will make each other whole.