I Knew We Weren’t Real, But That Didn’t Stop Me From Falling

I know. I know this isn’t real. I know that the texts, the flirting, the constant contact will come to an end. I know you’ll hurt me. I know that even when you have me that you’ll want more. That the texts that light up your phone are from other girls. Girls who you say you aren’t with, but who you say you only flirt with. I know that when your phone “dies” you turned it off. Or when you cancel plans and disappear it’s because you’re with her. I know.

I know that you want me when I seem out of reach. When you sense my happiness is coming from someone who isn’t you. I know that you want to claim me as yours, not because you want to be together, but, to prevent anyone else to have me. I know.

But I also know the taste of your lips. I know the way you hold me when you don’t want to let go. I know the smile you make in the morning, eyes closed, breathing me in and happy. I know that when you text me my heart skips a beat. I know that when you leave I want more. I know that I like you. I know that you like me. More than you thought, more than you may have ever known. I know.

But I know this will end soon, that I will be left confused and sad and heartbroken. I know the stupidity I will feel when you disappear from my life. When hours of no responses turn into days which turn into weeks and then months. And even though it all seems so perfect now it will only be brief. Because I know that I will always choose you, I did then and I do now. But I know that you will never choose me. This I know.