I Am Never Going To Find Love

Unsplash / Christin Hume

I can say now that I will never find love. I am not even sure if love exits.

Dating after 30 is a shit show. Dating younger is an even bigger shit show.

I’ve met some really nice guys, and I’ve met some very big adult fuckboys. All that is left to do is to have fleeting moments of noncommittal fun, while it lasts, and not get attached or care too much.

I have come to terms with my situation, because if I did not, I would go insane with sadness and self-pity.

My friends know that the one phrase that makes my blood boil is, “You’re so great! How are you single?”

I have heard if from friends, family, acquaintances, and even from men on first dates. All that phrase does is cut to the bone and make me feel even worse.

Why? Because I am a pretty great catch, I do have so much love to give, and I want to be loved.

So by telling your single friends that, you are telling them that it is a hopeless quest because they are already so amazing, yet that amazingness still has not resulted in anything in the love department.

I tell myself that it is fine to cry every once in a while, like when a friend posts that they are engaged, or another friend or friends post that they are expecting. I allow myself to wallow then, cry for a few minutes, and suck it back up.

I must persist. I have no other choice.

Not everyone gets to experience love. I have been in several “almost relationships” with men, some who were head over heels for me, but who I was not compatible with for many reasons.

That is completely fine. The process has helped me understand what I do want in that elusive partner who probably will never appear.

No, he is not perfect, and no, we are not 100% on the same page, but I still want someone who shares many of my compatibility points.

We all deserve the best — these are our lives, after all, and we live with the decisions we make, so why not make extra sure that you find a very, very special someone who does tick most of your boxes? It is not selfish and it is never asking for “too much.”

Friends and family believe I have a dark outlook on love, but you have to protect yourself from further pain by giving up.

I saw too many people in my life settle just to get married before the proverbial clock ran out for them. That usually did not end well. I told myself many moons ago that I would never settle and I would have to be satisfied with that realization.

Please, do not pity us singletons. It truly is better to be alone than stuck in an unhappy relationship.

One advantage us singletons have over you coupled up people is that we get a bird’s eye view of everyone’s atrocious relationships, and boy, there are quite a few unhappy ones!

At those moments, I am fine with being single. I would rather stay single for ages than be in a relationship with nothing but bickering, nagging, and hostility.

While some might call me pessimistic, it will still not deter me from ever dating again, however casually. But perhaps I will not invest myself as much as I would if I still believed in love.

You reach a point of giving up, yet still yearn for that spark. It can be excruciating; it is also character building.

If this is my future, and I do not believe in fate, then so be it. I cannot control this. You cannot will or wish someone to fall for you and you them.

I truly believe it just happens for some people. And I doubt it will happen for me.

My dissertation is my baby, my future career is my spouse, and it is all up to me to decide how it turns out.

That is life, in all its unfairness, but we cannot control that. Life is also full of lessons, and I believe my lesson is how to live alone, happily and contently, in a world of couples, babies, and futures together. It is, so to speak, my cross to bear alone.

Singletons, we must persist! Do it spectacularly, and just be fine! TC mark

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