How do you find the good in goodbye?
How do you find anything good about a goodbye if it is the last thing you wanted? That is a question I asked myself for months following my split from my husband. How could something like this be happening to me? I’ve seen many other couples not make it, but no way was that going to be me. We had to make it right? We had to prove everyone wrong, that young marriages could work? That high school sweethearts could last forever. I refused to believe I was going to be just another statistic. But after months and months of being apart from the person I never thought I’d know a day without, I realized I cannot be worried about what others were saying, I was finally finding a happiness that I had lost years ago.
Maybe I was the weak one for not having the strength to walk away from such a disaster. But looking back I am thankful for being cheated on, left to wonder why, and wondering how a person could be so terrible. Life sometimes throws us in a direction we did not think we wanted to go, but every once in a while, when we begin the path sometimes we find that it is EVERYTHING we have ever wanted. Sometimes, we learn that the person we thought we were in love with was just a fantasy. I think we all have been in situations where we so badly want a person to be what we thought they were, that we live in this fantasy hoping someday it will come true. But true colors will always be revealed in one way or another. Sometimes it takes you being made out to be the bad guy and just having to accept it. That’s one of the hardest parts, hearing all the lies that your ex created you to be in people’s minds. But slowly you begin to learn that the people that matter in your life will know those lies are the furthest thing from the truth. One of the most important things I was told through my nasty breakup was: sometimes when a person has made such awful choices they have to make the other person somehow seem worse, they have to try to justify their actions. But, you can’t believe everything you hear, these days.
So how after all these lies, after all the cheating, after all the heartbreak, after all the sleepless nights, after all the tears and screams in my pillow, after everything, how do you find the good in goodbye? Well, that’s a question that took me nearly six months to figure out. I thought trying to get with another person would suddenly make me forget the past nearly six years. Wrong, that went terribly, causing me to break another person’s heart. I realized I had to do this on my own. I had to spend some time alone, to really get over my ex. I learned I could not enter another relationship when I still had so much anger, heartbreak, and also love for my ex. It was not fair to bring those feelings into a new relationship, especially if it was one I wanted to last.
Isn’t it ironic that the thing you, at one time, thought was the best thing in your life actually became the best thing when it was removed from your life? I am a firm believer that god would never remove something from your life without the intent in replacing it with something so much better. One of the hardest things I had to learn throughout my healing process was that just because something ended, does not mean that you will never get the chance to experience something even better. Another thing, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS celebrate the small victories. Oh you blocked their number? GOOD! Oh, you stopped checking their social media? EVEN BETTER! Oh, you haven’t cried all weekend? THAT’S AMAZING! Having a support team only helps with this, have those people that cheer you on for those small victories, who will encourage you, but who will also be there when you’re feeling defeated. Eventually those small victories are what create the pathway to you moving on. Finding the good in goodbye is not always easy but as Beyoncé said “thank god I found the good in goodbye.”