You are capable of getting through the trials and errors that are defining you. Right now, it doesn’t seem like it’s worth it. Your shitty boss, your diminished love life, your out-of control finances, your out-of-control family dynamic — whatever it is, it’s okay to hate bits and parts of what makes your life uncomfortable. Humans are strong but not infallible. Sometimes we need to feel so angry that we feel like we’re about to bust in order to make a change, to say goodbye to toxic situations, to sever ties with people who bring you down. Sometimes you have to hit so low in order for you realize you were capable of moving forward this entire time.
You are capable of changing your life at any moment. That’s easier said than done. No, you can’t just move to a new city on a dime. No, you can’t just magically pay off all your debts. No, you can’t will yourself a relationship, a child, or a new hobby. But why can’t you believe that you’re capable of change? Oftentimes we hold ourselves back, burdened by the constraints of society: I can’t do that because (fill in your own blank). But, why can’t you? While you may not be able to pick up and move on a whim, you can at least accept the fact that you’re open to your life changing at any time. You are capable of welcoming change, even if at the time it may not be the kind you want.
You are capable of loving yourself with or without a significant other. When I got divorced, my identity hinged on the fact that the person I loved left me. Date after date after date, I eventually found myself hemorrhaging love to men that didn’t deserve it. They deserved love, but not my love, because there was nothing I received in return. You will not feel fulfilled by the love of a relationship; your self-worth cannot hinge on someone else because your worth is not defined by another person, regardless of your relationship status with them. You first have to love yourself and recognize that you are, indeed, enough for this world. Because you are.
When life’s challenges seem to bear down on your shoulders, or when you feel like you’re in a rut, it’s hard to accept that you’re the only reason your life is in the current state it is. Life will not always be your fault. Tragedy, lay-offs, death, and medical issues are all situations that are out of your control. If someone you love cheats on you, that’s not your fault. When someone falls out of love with you, that’s not your fault. What you’re capable of, though, is altering your perspective on these events that seem insurmountable. That’s how you deal with the inconsistencies of life. When they seem to all be too much, it’s your responsibility to adapt to the situation in a way you can survive.
What you’re capable of, at your very core, is recognizing that your human responses to tragedy, self-doubt, insecurities, and bad relationships are completely normal.
When my ex-husband first mentioned divorce, the first thing my mother said to me as I cried in the bathroom was, “Why are you upset?” Regardless of the good that would later emerge from our separation — us both finding partners we were better suited for — I was still sad the life I knew was ending. When we’re experiencing emotional turmoil for whatever reason, we’re often spurred on to face it, deal with it, and move forward. Doing so is not so easy; it’s also not fair.
Realize that part of your capabilities are recognizing that it’s okay to feel burdened, confused, or lost, but that you’re also capable of changing it at any time. You’re capable of changing your response to it. You’re capable of forgiving yourself for acting human and having human emotions. You’re capable of pulling that strength buried deep down inside you and getting through this difficult time. Even during the darkest of times, you’re capable of enjoying the aspects of your life that are good. It’s easier said than done, but it’s what you’re capable of.