When you say “it’s complicated,” I wish you could see through the bullshit and realize that he doesn’t want you. It’s not meant to be harsh, because I’ve been you. I’ve sat where you sit.
I’ve been on the other end of that text message, trying to believe that he really is that busy. When he said he didn’t like to have his picture taken, I tried, instead, to live in the moment. When he said he didn’t believe in labels, I tried to see it from his point of view. I tried to argue that we live in a society where love should just be love, that labels only hinder two people with a mutual attraction. I asked myself, Why do we really need to put a label on something?
But someone who truly wants you doesn’t mind the label slapped onto your relationship. In fact, they’re eager to call you their girlfriend, boyfriend, someone they adore. Someone who truly wants you makes the time to see you. They answer the phone. They call. They FaceTime. They visit. They don’t mind taking pictures from a plethora of different angles. When someone wants you, you don’t have to convince yourself of it. The proof is in the way they look at you. It’s in the way they get to know you. It’s in the way they genuinely enjoy your company.
Low self-esteem is such a broad term for what you’re dealing with, but you’ve fallen victim to your own insecurities. Maybe the last person who broke your heart convinced you of your clinginess, “craziness,” or ugliness. I’m here to reassure you that you are none of those things. Sometimes when our love life lacks excitement, we believe the awful things someone who didn’t deserve our love convinced us of.
Sometimes it’s just as simple as falling for the wrong guy at the wrong time. Our hearts sometimes have a mind of their own. We hope that they can change. We hope one day they’ll wake up with fresh eyes and realize the love of their life has been standing in front of them this entire time. It’s not wrong to hope; it’s not wrong to dream.
But one day you won’t have to wait around for the right person to realize what they have standing in front of them is valuable. One day, you’ll wake up cringing as you look back on the people you once wasted so much time with. One day, you’ll see this for what it is. And one day, you’ll finally understand that you deserved better.
It’s okay if you can’t face that right now. It’s okay if you’re wasting time with someone who makes you feel like you need to vie for their attention. Sometimes it’s the only way we can finally understand our worth.