The one always facing deadlines. The one that seems to always be under pressure. The one that’s all too familiar with unrealistic expectations from yourself or others. The one that always feels like you’re coming up short and thinking you’re a disappointment. This is for you.
Let me start with this: I do not expect anything from you but to be yourself. Until you can say that to yourself and believe it, please hear it from me.
Maybe you’ve been hurt and you’re fighting every day to heal and forgive. Maybe you’re stressed about the future, worried it won’t be as bright as you hope. Maybe you’re starting a new chapter in life and it’s uncomfortable and frustrating.
“Always defend your right to heal at your own pace. You are taking your time. You are allowed to take your time.”
Did you catch that? Read it again-as many times as you need. When I read that, it shook my world a little bit and turned it upside down in the best way. Whatever the specific situation is, I’m allowed to take my time with it, and so are you.
Spoiler alert: life is hard and messy. It’s also lovely and beautiful. Stop worrying about some deadline you’ve made up in your head or one that someone else, that’s not going through what you’re going through, has tried to push your way.
Progress is essential to human happiness. However, no one (not even the anxious voices in your head) can give you a timeline of where you should be with that progress on any given day.
I remember a worksheet I did in third grade — we were assigned to write how long it takes to complete every day tasks like brushing teeth, eating breakfast, doing homework, etc. I kept thinking about how much time it takes to eat my breakfast is determined by if I wake up on time on any given day. Same kind of situation with completing homework-it depends on the subject and the assignment itself. I understand my third grade worksheet was most likely not trying to go anywhere near that deep into the concept, but it was intended in a general sense to give us a better grasp on time. However, for my purposes, it helps make a point.
- How long he should wait to call after a date
- How long she should wait after the breakup to say yes to the guy that’s been waiting for her to be single
- How long she should take before she trusts again after surviving his abuse
- How long he should take to go on a date again after losing his wife in a tragic car accident at only 25 years old
- How much time she should take to herself after a challenging day
- How long he should wait to propose
- How long he should take to process the violence he witnessed
Maybe it’s 3 days, 3 years, or even 30 years. The point is no one but you can define that timeline for yourself. The world has tried to make up all of these rules about time and how long it should take us to complete a certain task-all without considering we’re humans, all made differently and all dealt unique hands in life.
Let go of those deadlines. Let go of the unrealistic expectations. Let go of the hovering pressure of your progress. This is your story, your journey, your process. No one else has to get it. Just you. You have to know your truth and live by it.
All my love,
A girl that’s figuring it out, just like you.