RomanceBreaking Up

What Is It About Him?

What is it about him that makes you smile? That makes the butterflies flutter uncontrollably in your stomach when you see him. That gives you goosebumps with just one graze of his finger on your arm. That intense urge of needing to be in his presence and a feeling of loss when he is not around.

The way you giggle at his jokes, dumbfounded at how everyone around you is not ROFL at his humor like you are. How his charm sends you melting into a warm puddle beneath you every time he opens a door for you or offers to drive you home. How your lips tremble as he draws closer towards you with one hand masking the side of your cheek while the other accompanies your hand.

You’ve cried hard over him. He has stood you up on many occasions, cancelled plans with you. He has repeatedly broken promises to you, knowing from the start he could not uphold them. He called you every night filled with happiness and desire but turned his feelings off during the day when others were around.

You hid your attraction to one another for months, until the secrecy was too much to bare. Yet you still winced every time someone would ask you about your relationship status, knowing that “relationship” wasn’t exactly the word to describe whatever it was. And every time you thought you were done playing his rollercoaster of games, his name reappears on your phone sucking you back in to what feels like a never-ending ride.

Out of all the guys that have caught your eye, that you’ve dated, welcomed into your bed, your heart, what is it about him that constantly has you yearning for more? What is it about him that has captivated your attention more than anyone else, despite the pain that he’s caused you?

What makes you jump when your phone rings, hoping it is him on the other end? What makes your heart race when he says that he wants to see you after it had been months since your last embrace? And what makes you agree to letting him spend the night even though you know that the morning will only bring you more tears and heartache?

You may not ever know what it was about him that compelled your heart, but you do know what it was about him that broke it.

Related

About the author
Turn your dreams into a reality. Read more articles from Courtney on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.