They were patient. They were kind. They were understanding, loyal, passionate. They checked off every box that I thought made up the perfect companion. No, seriously. If I had the opportunity to concoct a recipe to dish out my ideal person, this one had all the ingredients. My parents liked them. They were close to my friends. Their parents adored me and were shipping us together from the beginning. It seemed like “The One” was calling way sooner than I expected, but I definitely wasn’t fighting it. At 19, it felt like God had it right and things were only looking up from there.
It took me a long time after our breakup to realize that God definitively did have it right, just not in the way that I thought. Yes, they were the first person I ever fell in love with, so naturally, I had them perched on the highest pedestal that no other person could possibly reach. They were the first person who ever made me feel special and worthy of their loving words that I didn’t believe that any other human being would see me in that light again, nor did I even dream of it. I was on a cloud that could not be brought down, until one day it did.
From then on, I put myself in the category of silly girls who believe their first love is their only love. These are girls who fall madly in love upon the first arrow cupid throws at them and immediately halts all efforts in finding the actual one. I can’t speak for us all, but I think the reason for this is we just want to end the search as quickly as possible. We find someone who measures close enough to our recipe for a life partner and throw out any other possibility that he may still be out there. We throw in the towel because we yearn for that everlasting love that captivates us in romance novels and sappy rom-coms that we become too impatient for the real thing to arrive, however long that might take.
I’ve been a victim of this. Cupid’s little game grabbed my heart in its most vulnerable state making me believe that I was one of the lucky ones to nab my forever love early on in life. I gave him the chance easily. As soon as my ex rambled off a few nice words, my legs turned to mush and Cupid swooped right in to finish the job. No more did I think this guy was “kinda cute,” he became my everything.
Love is a powerful game that only the strongest survive. It gives you all these feelings and emotions about a person until the rug is pulled out from underneath you – thank you Lewis Capaldi for that analogy. But to all the silly girls, we are eventually pleasantly surprised when “The One” does come along, because it gives us a newfound understanding of the word.
We learn that our one true love is not someone who looks the part and checks off all the boxes you matched for yourself. They are not the one who says all the right things at the right time and who blends the best with your friends and family. Honestly, I don’t know what to expect from “The One,” but I know I haven’t met them yet.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in the middle of a game that has no end. Like a repetitive game of Duck Duck Goose that has me either spinning in circles around the same prospective contenders, or as the lonely duckling waiting for my turn at a real shot at love. But I know the wait is worth it and I refuse to settle because I know I will win the love I deserve.
I’ve graduated from being a silly girl, and am now a woman who opens her eyes up to the possibilities around her. I no longer wave the white flag, surrendering my heart to my crush at the first wink. I’ve learned from my mistakes and have been much more cautious with my repaired heart since then. Every girl goes through their silly girl phase, and the upside is, one day we will all get to rewrite these stories in our diaries with the fairytale ending we were looking for.