Trust me, a breakup at 25 really does feel different than 20. At the age of 25, you feel as if you have to rush to settle down because your parents and grandparents were married with a baby on the way at 19. But today people are pushing forty and are still having children. So what’s the rush? Why do we feel like we have to be in competition with those who are making progress in their relationships?
If you are someone that is pressuring others to get married or have children, for the love of all that is Holy, lay off. All you are doing is making them feel like their relationship is not as advanced as it should be and it creates so much underlying stress for both parties involved.
This isn’t going to be about bashing my ex-boyfriend, because I do care about him as a person and I always will. This is going to be about me and what I feel like I owe to every single one of you who have called me, text me, video chatted me, and sat with me in bed on a Saturday night because I didn’t have the strength to “get back out there.” For the people who insisted that I talk about it because it’ll make me feel better. This one is for us.
When college ended, life began. And it began quickly. People were getting engaged and having babies in and out of wedlock. Since I was in a committed relationship, I became presumptuous. I became overconfident with the idea that I too would soon be married with a baby on the way, because society has taught me that if you don’t start early, you probably won’t start at all.
I was so focused on having the American Dream that I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t with my dream guy.
I was blind. I felt rushed from friends and family to have children because thirty is right around the corner. But I wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy. It had eventually come to the point where we emotionally manipulated each other until we thought it was love and became comfortable with that. We struggled to say “I love you” at night and hanging out wasn’t full of laughter and jokes like it once was.
We didn’t make our relationship a priority because we were too worried about the future. We were winning at a losing game. And I have come to terms with that because I have learned my lessons. Someone who is willing to move across the state and make someone else a priority deserves someone who is going to do just the same for them. So please keep that in my mind before giving up your life. Ask your person of interest if they would do the same for you. I now understand that a good man will pursue me with genuine intentions and consistent effort. We should never have to close our eyes at night and wonder if we are enough and if we are loved.
Someday, in the most strange and unforeseen place, love will find us. Maybe it will be with a coworker, your best friend, or a stranger at the grocery store. Just promise me that you won’t give up on love just because someone gave up on you in your past. It’ll be there, just wait and see.