Everybody has their own inner demons or as I call them monsters that they battle with every
Monsters don’t hide inside a closet with our clothes, they hide in your head. They whisper in our ear villainous thoughts in order to get what we want despite the consequences. Giving us that needed heavy push on our back to run off the rails, promising us a prize at the end.
It’s scary because sometimes no matter how much we try to lock them away, there would always be something to set them free and control us.
In my case, it’s a someone. You were the key that unleashed a monster that I never knew I had.
And all I ever wanted was you.
I traded my dignity and morals to be with you all because I love you so. That’s why I allowed myself to be your other woman. A woman who knows exactly what your intentions were but completely ignored it because she was blinded by the love she feels for you.
I despised girls like me because I’ve seen it thousand times of what this borrowed love could do. I saw it on movies, heard and felt the painful cries of all those who suffered the same fate as your girl. I knew the pain that your other half was bound to have if she knew about what we had. I knew that it would scar her belief in love, happy endings and even in always and forever. And I wouldn’t wish that agony on her or anybody.
Before, I promised I wouldn’t be like girl I am now. A girl now tainted with a filthy sin. Still I let myself to be the person that caused so many heartbreaks in the world. I became more selfish and greedy of the twisted and maybe a make-believe love you offered.
I would look in a mirror after our amazing hang outs and not recognize the reflection anymore because this is not me, not anymore. This was someone else who still feels happy and guilt-free after spending an amazing day with a person who is committed to someone else.
We both shared memories that were beautiful, it has to be written down in fairy tale books but I guess our story wasn’t destined to be a happy ending.
Our story was just a conflict in your fairy tale.
I guess you’re not the only one I got from her. All those things I was afraid for your girlfriend to feel, well I snatched it too. It’s fine. I deserve every torturing feeling I had when you left me. I knew better but still I gave into this thing I called love.
In the end, I still became the kind of monster I despised the most and now, you’re already a step closer to your happy ending with her.
But thank you. I learned my biggest lesson from my most painful experience in life.