Fast, like a whirlwind punch to the face. One second I saw it, the next it was gone. And then it was a smash to the nose. Breaking me, shattering me. Watching the blood spew from my lips was the big fat reminder he was gone. The ruined remains of my being were the reminder he was never coming back.
He was gone like the bugs leave in the winter. Slowly, then all at once. I watched him trickle out of my fingers as if he was the water I desperately grasp onto in the shower. I could not keep him in my reach, and it devastated me. For months, for years. I blamed God, I blamed the universe, but most of all, I blamed myself.
Today, however, is a new day. I have tended to the wounds that have tattered my soul. I have sewn together the punctures he left in my heart. With a clear head I can see it now, I am not to blame.
When a person leaves you, it is their decision. That is an irrefutable fact. You had no bearing over the choice they made, they made it on their own. We are all responsible for our own actions, so while what you have done in the relationship is your responsibility, them leaving is their responsibility as well.
When he left, I told myself that he was all I wanted—that he was all I needed. My former self could not have been more wrong. I fought so hard to keep him, and I chased so far after him when he left. What I should’ve done is taken care of my own heart, instead of fighting for his.
I am learning. Growing and learning everyday. I am learning to become one with myself, and not a broken piece of a torn relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that it’s a part of life for people to come and go. That we all have different journeys and sometimes those journeys do not intertwine. There is a reason to our diverging paths, and I am slowly realizing it was to make me stronger.
It was not my fault that he left, and it is important to remember that while that is true, he had every right to leave. We shall not hold lovers on tight leashes, rather we let them go and flourish in their own right.