Take a deep breath. I want you to hear these words I’ve written. I want to get into your head because I know you. Everything that’s happening now is only a temporary dip on the twisting rollercoaster that is life. I don’t know what it is you’re going through, but I do know that it will pass.
I know your heart is empty and it feels like your ribcage is caving into your lungs. This mental anguish has a physical manifestation. Each time your heart beats or you take a breath you cringe in pain. Your body and your mind are hurting. You are hurting. It’s okay to be in pain.
Your pain is valid. Whatever is going on in your life right now, no matter how small or how stupid you may think it is, is causing you enough pain to leave you in tears until your last second of consciousness for the day. That is problem enough in my eyes. Don’t doubt the validity of your pain.
Like I said before, I don’t know what you’re going through. We don’t truly know each other, yet even still, I know you. I know if you’re reading this and resonating with this, you’re heartbroken. Something or someone has stripped you of your joy. I know you are feeling like the only person in the world right now. Being alone with your thoughts can be a terrifying thing. I want you to know that the next time you feel all by yourself that I am right there with you.
Sweet girl, there was a time where I was you. I was the one whose chest was collapsing and whose head was pounding with intrusive thoughts. I was the one who could not find a greater comfort than a pillow that could soak up my tears. I was the one who felt alone and cheated by the universe. Mascara stains still haunt my pillowcase.
Sadness is penetrating. It will envelope you and become one with the blood coursing through your veins. But if you don’t let it flow through you, it will grow like a malignant tumor inside of you and it will become your ruin.
Letting yourself feel this pain is what will make it go away. I didn’t realize that, so I bottled it up and exploded on several occasions. Don’t do that to yourself. Let yourself cry.
I mean it when I say you can pull yourself out of this. You will survive your hardships. Slowly but surely, wounds heal. Let your tears detoxify your body. You are the only one who can put yourself back together. You have that power, it is nestled deep inside of you. You are stronger and more resilient than you even know. You may not believe me when I say this. After all, words on a screen are just words on a screen, but I know it is inside you. I know because it was inside of me too.
I had no idea I had an ounce of strength in me. I thought I was weak for wasting my nights wallowing in misery. Looking back, I know that I was exerting all the strength I had. I was swimming through waves that went over my head and I was surviving. You’ve kept yourself alive. That is the first step. You are so strong for enduring the pain you’re going through. Always remember that any thoughts of suicide that crash to the shores of your mind will always be pulled back in with the tide. You can’t fix a damn thing when you’re dead. Broken parts are meant to be fixed, so don’t throw them away.
Give yourself time. The passage of time is a beautiful thing. Time will stitch the gashes in your soul. Time will forgive you and teach you how to do the same. Time will remind you what your laugh sounds like and how much you love sitcoms. If you look to the future, time will show you bright things. It will be the lantern to light your way home.
If you find time is not aiding you enough, please reach out to someone. You are not as alone as you feel. Therapy or even the therapy of talking to a friend can be the hand that pulls you from these drowning waters. There is no shame in looking for support.
I am who I am today because of the pain I’ve endured. I would never know my true strength if it were not for my pain. This too shall pass, I will promise you that. I can only guarantee it because I’ve seen it happen to myself. You have so much life ahead of you. There is so much you can accomplish. Ten years from now you may not even remember what it was that made you so sad. Tell this world that you may be wounded today but with each tomorrow you continue to heal. Stand tall on your two feet and always try to be kind to yourself. Never forget your worth or your beauty. You’ve hit a rough patch in your life, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of greatness. Your life will go on, remember to live it.