To All The Boys I’ve Hurt Before

Dear boy(s),

I wish I could say you knew what you were getting yourself into.

But everything is not what it seems. I wish I could say that this is your own fault for thinking you could fix me.

Didn’t you hear? Hurt people hurt people.

Whose fault is it anyway? You saw my good side. The side everyone wants to be around. The side that makes the boys swoon and the girls mad. That side.

But you pushed your way in. Deeper than most. Deeper than all.

And how could you? Didn’t you know that side was between God and I?

Didn’t you know a girl like me couldn’t have an ugly side?

“Stay the hell away from me.”

Of course I didn’t want you to know that my heart was cold.

You stayed.

That was your fault because you picked up a piece that was broken.

It’s selfish right? To hurt you because I was hurting?

10 months later I can admit I wasn’t aware of the pain I was in.

But you loved me, how could I have been so blind to see.

I wish I could say that I knew how it would end.

But what were the odds that I would fall in love with my best friend?

Even then, you told me you would stay, and I didn’t understand, didn’t you know that I would break your heart in the end?

Here’s where I went wrong, I put you above first Love.

And how could I not? You were so pure and in my eyes you could do no wrong.

You were the best thing about me. God’s grace that in a way, I didn’t deserve.

So dear boy (s) that I’ve hurt before

I’m sorry I’m such a mess

Or should I say was? People grow and change and by grace I’m not the same

I’ll own up to every mistake

But I can honestly say, I’m sorry for the damage I caused, and hope one day you can grow and heal from the heartache that was named after me.